college is eating my gray matter. I canna handle researxch papers, and professors, and college! I just can't deal. I wish I could stay in bed forever, and only get up when I felt like it.
oh lordy lordy lordy.
Sean and I just had a rather volatile msn conversation. he wants all his stuff back. And by all his stuff I mean every photo we ever had taken together. not fair. why does he just want to forget it ever happened? it's not as if he's incapable of moving on. from what he told me, he's already well on the way to forgetting about me. why make me miserable, and give me a massive headache like right now. I almost started crying in thye campus library. the only reason why I didn't is cause Ace is right over there, and I didn't want him to see me crying. especially in a public place.
life sucks
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
feeling guilty
about so many things. firstly how bad a student I am. I get home at night, fully intending on writing one essay, or another, and the minute I sit, my head is on the ground, and I am asleep. some would call that exhausted. I call that lazy! I am going to fail all my classes, and have no right to live. I have not turned in a SINGLE thing in English, OR frickin theatre history. And my big term project is due next Tuesday. oh, lord.
the second thing, which I don't feel quite so guilty about anymore is Sean. I called him yesterday, and invited him out to lunch, or whatever, so that we could talk, as his last comment on my blog quite upset me. I talked it over a long time with Ace, and although I don't want to go anymore, I am going to. All I want to come of it is understanding on both our parts, and I'm so scared that that won't happen. I don't know what I'll do, if he begins to hate me like Geoff did. (if I may digress, Geoff gave me a hug yesterday and said he didn't hate me anymore, and even apologized! w00t!) I read his blog today, and read all about his life since we ended, which made me feel a bit better. Apparently, Tuula has a new kitten, which is SO COOL! Also, he feels closer to his beliefs, which is wonderful. I'll not deny it, I was holding him back from that.
On a happier note, The One Act Festival has begun. Last night was auditions, and I may or may not have found my actors for This is a Play (which I am directing). I have yet to speak to Jess, my director for Philadelphia, which I am stage managing. And I somehow managed to be cast in three different plays, which is two projects over the maximum that we're supposed to be allowed. I am playing Marcy, the dope-smoking slut in Jack's Pants; Mimsey in Plaza Suite (a nice easy one liner); and I have a role in What Colour Animal Are You, though I don't know which yet. The director Ashley is going to get her first choices together for a reading next week and then it'll be cast. I'm hoping for Jill, the lazy hardware store inheritee who loves windsurfing. I have a feeling Ashley might have me in mind for Bonnie though, which is the main character, so that would be cool, too. I was also offered the role of Arboghast in Geoff's play, which I turned down, because it was a trifle too large.
So I am very busy, to the point of neglect, and may I just say, I HATE Voice class. Also on my plate is an arrangement with Collective to learn a bunch of Christmas stuff (maybe with boys, maybe not) and go caroling (maybe for money, maybe not). Ace says he can probably get us the stage at Mal for a full-length performance is we ever want it, and as President of Satyr Players, he has the ability to promise that. I don't think we will though, not for this X-mas. Maybe in the spring, I think that would be sweet!
Anyways, I have actors to accost, and promise sexual favors to if they do my play, so I am off. Happy blogging, faithful readers!
the second thing, which I don't feel quite so guilty about anymore is Sean. I called him yesterday, and invited him out to lunch, or whatever, so that we could talk, as his last comment on my blog quite upset me. I talked it over a long time with Ace, and although I don't want to go anymore, I am going to. All I want to come of it is understanding on both our parts, and I'm so scared that that won't happen. I don't know what I'll do, if he begins to hate me like Geoff did. (if I may digress, Geoff gave me a hug yesterday and said he didn't hate me anymore, and even apologized! w00t!) I read his blog today, and read all about his life since we ended, which made me feel a bit better. Apparently, Tuula has a new kitten, which is SO COOL! Also, he feels closer to his beliefs, which is wonderful. I'll not deny it, I was holding him back from that.
On a happier note, The One Act Festival has begun. Last night was auditions, and I may or may not have found my actors for This is a Play (which I am directing). I have yet to speak to Jess, my director for Philadelphia, which I am stage managing. And I somehow managed to be cast in three different plays, which is two projects over the maximum that we're supposed to be allowed. I am playing Marcy, the dope-smoking slut in Jack's Pants; Mimsey in Plaza Suite (a nice easy one liner); and I have a role in What Colour Animal Are You, though I don't know which yet. The director Ashley is going to get her first choices together for a reading next week and then it'll be cast. I'm hoping for Jill, the lazy hardware store inheritee who loves windsurfing. I have a feeling Ashley might have me in mind for Bonnie though, which is the main character, so that would be cool, too. I was also offered the role of Arboghast in Geoff's play, which I turned down, because it was a trifle too large.
So I am very busy, to the point of neglect, and may I just say, I HATE Voice class. Also on my plate is an arrangement with Collective to learn a bunch of Christmas stuff (maybe with boys, maybe not) and go caroling (maybe for money, maybe not). Ace says he can probably get us the stage at Mal for a full-length performance is we ever want it, and as President of Satyr Players, he has the ability to promise that. I don't think we will though, not for this X-mas. Maybe in the spring, I think that would be sweet!
Anyways, I have actors to accost, and promise sexual favors to if they do my play, so I am off. Happy blogging, faithful readers!
Monday, November 07, 2005
puke cute
^^^ is me. ok. LOTS of news!
The Crucible was fantasmically orgasmo wonderful! I'll post some pics if Kevin Nearby will help me soon. I played Mary Warren! A lot of people will think, oh, that's not so great compared to Abigail (who I wanted in the first place) but seriously, she's a WAY BETTER role. For one thing, she's dynamic, and goes through a huge journey over the play while Abigail doesn't. Static static Abigail stays mean, and nasty, and doesn't change a bit! For another thing, stage time! When you think about it, Abigail really isn't that great of a character. She has the big Act 1, which is mostly just setting the stage for whats about to happen in Acts 2, and 3. Act 1 is her biggest part, and she only really commands three or four units of action there. In Act 2, she's darkly hinted at, then in Act 3, she has small, but pivotal role in the action, then in Act 4, Arthur Miller does away with her entirely! Mary, on the other hand is in Act 1 breifly, then has a huge peice of exposition in Act 2, which was nice cause it was the only time I got to play not-hysterical. Then she exits, and later in Act 2, she's brought back for a small peice of action, and then again later after everybody else exits, where there's this dramatic peice of theatre where she gets thrown to the floor!!!! Totally climactic, and wonderful! Act 3 is practically all about her. The attention shifts from others to Mary, then back to others, then back to Mary, then back to others, and then back to Mary again, until she gets this huge gigantic mental breakdown on stage, and has ANOTHER climactic moment!!! woo-hoo, theatre-gasm! Thankfully, she's not in Act 4, cause if she was, no sane actress would be able to play her. It is one monster freakin play.
So anyways, I played Mary the Great! And (sucks to your ass-mar, Tinnion), I got great reviews! seriously, the campus paper said I was one of the three performers who stood out the most, Ross gave me all these I-would-trust-you-if-I-ever-had-to-act-with-you compliments, which was super nice, and Ace said some amazing things!
...
yeah there's some stuff to be said about Ace, as well, but I'll get to that later.
So anyways, the run is over now, thankfully. This was seriously some of the craziest work, I've ever done. In addition to having a super-great role, I also helped build the stage (we ripped out the front seats in MalU Theatre, and built a second stage, and then built risers with seats all around the stage like a arena, or boxing ring;The Crucible in the round!), and Ross decided that because it was in the round, instead of having the actors come out from a backstage like normal, we would all sit on the sidelines, and watch the play like the rest of the audience. Now, we're talking about two-and-a-half hours of Arthur Miller naturalist political commentary being watched from an unpadded bench in a ridiculously tight Puritan costume (think bonnets), and doing so every day for two weeks, sometimes twice a day! I think MalU Theatre Program is AMAZING just for having the stamina to get through all that!
Closing was insane. I had to work that day, then go do our last show, and then right after, it is tradition that no one involved in the program leaves until the entire set is stricken. That means that we have to destroy everything we built for the show before leaving the theatre that night. So the show starts at eight pm, we go until ten thirty, and then have to rip apart a stage that be built ourselves, risers we built ourselves with audience seats screwed to them, take down the lighting truss, and remove the giant cross chandelier strapped to it, put all of the lumber and shit away and screw all the seats back in where they belong before leaving. Then we party!
So we were there until two thirty in the morning before we were allowed to leave, and then everybody went to closing p-tay at Carolyn's. I was feeling pretty darn queasy, so I didn't go, instead, I crashed in the green room.
So, the Crucible was amazing. I am no longer dating Sean Mantta. Yes, I know I've been ridiculously bad in posting, because broke up with him over two months ago. He asked me to marry him. I said no.
And one big reason why I did it is my next topic of conversation; Ace Martens. I've been dating him for like a month and a half now. Before I broke up with Sean, I felt very attracted to Ace, and I tried to fight it. I even told Sean about my 'little crush' because I thought if I was honest, it would keep me from doing anything terrible. It was a good plan, except then Ace drove me to work and we talked for an hour in his car, and then only a couple of days later, we stayed until 3 in the morning in the green room at the college just talking. I got to know him, and that was my downfall. I realized that what I was feeling was incredibly unfair to Sean, so I made the decision to break up with him.
I felt so terrible for what I put him through. But it was the right decision. Over the past while, with Ace, I've felt so happy. He's so different. What bugs him is different, what he doesn't mind is different, the way he treats me is different. I love being with him. He opens my car door for me, and pouts if I take the tab. And even though we are so happy together, we both understand that this is a time in our lives, and eventually that will change, and we'll be in a different time in our lives when we might not be so great for each other as we are now. I love that. I don't feel the pressure of thinking I am going to be with this ONE person for the rest of my life.
We do so much fun stuff together. I've come to realize that I need a boyfriend who is friends with my friends. I need to be able to party with my boyfriend, not just drag him along, and hope he'll enjoy himself. I love that Ace and I go out and do fun things together. He takes me on dates, and we get dressed up, and go to restaurants, and go for drives, and talk and laugh, and cuddle. I love that he has his own place. He is so independent. I got to meet his parents, and I didn't feel like I HAD to make them like me, because if they didn't like me, my whole life would be miserable! Not coming into contact with your boyfriends parents all the time is a relief (even though I did absolutely love Bonnie, and Ian, and Tuula).
Anyways, I have a class in fifteen, so I'll be going now. I am so happy lately!
The Crucible was fantasmically orgasmo wonderful! I'll post some pics if Kevin Nearby will help me soon. I played Mary Warren! A lot of people will think, oh, that's not so great compared to Abigail (who I wanted in the first place) but seriously, she's a WAY BETTER role. For one thing, she's dynamic, and goes through a huge journey over the play while Abigail doesn't. Static static Abigail stays mean, and nasty, and doesn't change a bit! For another thing, stage time! When you think about it, Abigail really isn't that great of a character. She has the big Act 1, which is mostly just setting the stage for whats about to happen in Acts 2, and 3. Act 1 is her biggest part, and she only really commands three or four units of action there. In Act 2, she's darkly hinted at, then in Act 3, she has small, but pivotal role in the action, then in Act 4, Arthur Miller does away with her entirely! Mary, on the other hand is in Act 1 breifly, then has a huge peice of exposition in Act 2, which was nice cause it was the only time I got to play not-hysterical. Then she exits, and later in Act 2, she's brought back for a small peice of action, and then again later after everybody else exits, where there's this dramatic peice of theatre where she gets thrown to the floor!!!! Totally climactic, and wonderful! Act 3 is practically all about her. The attention shifts from others to Mary, then back to others, then back to Mary, then back to others, and then back to Mary again, until she gets this huge gigantic mental breakdown on stage, and has ANOTHER climactic moment!!! woo-hoo, theatre-gasm! Thankfully, she's not in Act 4, cause if she was, no sane actress would be able to play her. It is one monster freakin play.
So anyways, I played Mary the Great! And (sucks to your ass-mar, Tinnion), I got great reviews! seriously, the campus paper said I was one of the three performers who stood out the most, Ross gave me all these I-would-trust-you-if-I-ever-had-to-act-with-you compliments, which was super nice, and Ace said some amazing things!
...
yeah there's some stuff to be said about Ace, as well, but I'll get to that later.
So anyways, the run is over now, thankfully. This was seriously some of the craziest work, I've ever done. In addition to having a super-great role, I also helped build the stage (we ripped out the front seats in MalU Theatre, and built a second stage, and then built risers with seats all around the stage like a arena, or boxing ring;The Crucible in the round!), and Ross decided that because it was in the round, instead of having the actors come out from a backstage like normal, we would all sit on the sidelines, and watch the play like the rest of the audience. Now, we're talking about two-and-a-half hours of Arthur Miller naturalist political commentary being watched from an unpadded bench in a ridiculously tight Puritan costume (think bonnets), and doing so every day for two weeks, sometimes twice a day! I think MalU Theatre Program is AMAZING just for having the stamina to get through all that!
Closing was insane. I had to work that day, then go do our last show, and then right after, it is tradition that no one involved in the program leaves until the entire set is stricken. That means that we have to destroy everything we built for the show before leaving the theatre that night. So the show starts at eight pm, we go until ten thirty, and then have to rip apart a stage that be built ourselves, risers we built ourselves with audience seats screwed to them, take down the lighting truss, and remove the giant cross chandelier strapped to it, put all of the lumber and shit away and screw all the seats back in where they belong before leaving. Then we party!
So we were there until two thirty in the morning before we were allowed to leave, and then everybody went to closing p-tay at Carolyn's. I was feeling pretty darn queasy, so I didn't go, instead, I crashed in the green room.
So, the Crucible was amazing. I am no longer dating Sean Mantta. Yes, I know I've been ridiculously bad in posting, because broke up with him over two months ago. He asked me to marry him. I said no.
And one big reason why I did it is my next topic of conversation; Ace Martens. I've been dating him for like a month and a half now. Before I broke up with Sean, I felt very attracted to Ace, and I tried to fight it. I even told Sean about my 'little crush' because I thought if I was honest, it would keep me from doing anything terrible. It was a good plan, except then Ace drove me to work and we talked for an hour in his car, and then only a couple of days later, we stayed until 3 in the morning in the green room at the college just talking. I got to know him, and that was my downfall. I realized that what I was feeling was incredibly unfair to Sean, so I made the decision to break up with him.
I felt so terrible for what I put him through. But it was the right decision. Over the past while, with Ace, I've felt so happy. He's so different. What bugs him is different, what he doesn't mind is different, the way he treats me is different. I love being with him. He opens my car door for me, and pouts if I take the tab. And even though we are so happy together, we both understand that this is a time in our lives, and eventually that will change, and we'll be in a different time in our lives when we might not be so great for each other as we are now. I love that. I don't feel the pressure of thinking I am going to be with this ONE person for the rest of my life.
We do so much fun stuff together. I've come to realize that I need a boyfriend who is friends with my friends. I need to be able to party with my boyfriend, not just drag him along, and hope he'll enjoy himself. I love that Ace and I go out and do fun things together. He takes me on dates, and we get dressed up, and go to restaurants, and go for drives, and talk and laugh, and cuddle. I love that he has his own place. He is so independent. I got to meet his parents, and I didn't feel like I HAD to make them like me, because if they didn't like me, my whole life would be miserable! Not coming into contact with your boyfriends parents all the time is a relief (even though I did absolutely love Bonnie, and Ian, and Tuula).
Anyways, I have a class in fifteen, so I'll be going now. I am so happy lately!
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