update-a-rrific!

so I guess I should actually say something a bout my life, hey? even if my life is shitty and terrible, like a minor chord with the wrong third. (sorry, I was arranging yesterday)

Ace and I broke up. A long time ago. That really sucked. I do, and I don't miss him. It's weird how that works, huh? I'm interested in this other guy, but that whole situtation is a tad bit bunk, so I won't even get into that.

too much drama in the theatre program. it seems like there's always someone who's pissy, or has there own little melodramas, and because we're all exhibitionists (come on, everybody, a blog about our collective sex lives?), it all of course ends up coming up at the program.

there was a big party at Kaitlyn's house this past weekend. El Lame-o Extraordinaire. So much bullshit went down at that party, and I'm not just talking about the scary guy who was lurking around us theatre folk, or the normals who kicked us downstairs, because they were being blah, not to mention the big freakos who stole people's alchohol, and jacked twenty bucks, and a bank card out of one of Donna's roommates' purse. There was also the multitude of boy trouble I was having which has resulted in a lasting bad mood for me to enjoy this week.

To make a long sotry short, I was drunk before anyone else. Boy A comes up to me outside, and tells me that {unsuitable unsuitable} Boy B has a thing for me. I tell Boy A to tell Boy B thanks, but no thanks. (this all occurs while I'm waiting for boy that I'm ACTUALLY interested in to show up). Later on, once he's gotten a bit more drunk, Boy A comes up to me, and "whispers" in my ear, "Alleah...at the beginning of the year, all I wanted to do was fuck you. But then you started dating Ace, so I kinda forgot about it."

YIKES! I got outta that situation right quick!

Later on that night, I'm standing with Donna, bitching about my love life, when the aforementioned Boy B comes zooming up to us, holding something in his hand. He looks at Donna. "When's your birthday?" She looks at him. "July 29th." He looks at me. "Whens YOUR birthday?" I look at him. "December 29th."

"Yours is closer," he says, and shoves this little, jewelry-sized box into my hand. YIKES TIMES A-FREAKING-MILLION! I open it, and it's a gold and jade necklace!!!!!!! holy SHIT! I sputtered out something like, "You should NOT have done this.." or something, he says, "Non, no, I bought it for a girl I loved, and now I want to give it to you." and zooms off again. Donna and I are just standing there staring at each other, flabbergasted! I start freaking out, like what do I do, what do I do? I run into the kitchen grab Ace, and drag him somewhere where I can talk to him. I show him what Boy B gave me, and I was just like, "I am too drunk to handle this right now! What do I do?" And he was like, "Ok, first of all calm down, second of all, wait until you're sober, then go up to him, and give it back. just say thanks but no thanks."

ok. I have a plan. good on me, time to party.

I start hanging out again, having a good time, when Boy C (no. no, it's not over) comes over. By this time, he's pretty sloshed. He comes up to me, leans in, and starts H-core making out with me, like shoving his tongue down my throat kind of making out. So this isn't too too bad, because I've actually been interested, on and off, with Boy C for a while. However, Boy C is primarily interested in Girl B, and only interested in me when she isn't around. Kind of a burn. Good for you, Ms. Second Choice! So anyways, he gets done mouth-raping me (quite nicely, I feel impelled to add), and says, "You know, Alleah. In the beginning of the year, I thought you were so fucking hot, I just wanted to do you. But then you started dating Ace. Now that you're not, I still want to have sex with you except I'm going to be going out with {Girl B}."

Well, isn't that just peachy. It seems like every potential for anythin I ever had ended the minute I started dating Ace. Good on me.

So this whole Boy C making out second choice nonsense continues on the entire night, at one point with Boy C asking Girl B if they can have a threesome with me. *eye rolling* I wish I was twelve again. Elementary school crushes were so much easier to deal with. You worship him, he doesn't know you're alive, everybody's happy. Stuff that preteen novels are made of. Gotta love it!

Anyways, finally, BoyFace that I'm interested in finally shows up. We party a little, I get him alone out on the porch. I ask him if he remembered Thursday night (closing night at the one acts; we partied at the college til midnight, then went to the gaybar downtown, then partied at Donna's;me and BoyFace ended up making out), and he says yes, that he's been thinking about it a lot. Well, this is a good sign, cause I've been practically obsessing over it, wondering if he actually wants anything. He says he's still getting over Girl C, who he's had a thing with for a few months now. Not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but I'm not judging. As long as he doesn't want the same thing from me. So he's still getting over Girl C, and although he's interested in me, he wants to wait until he's emotionally free (my words, not his) to start something because-get this--he thinks that we could have a real relationship, and doesn't want it to be meaningless. Now that's pretty huge coming from someone like BoyFace, because everybody who knows him has this preconcieved notiopn that he's not a relationship kind of a guy, especially because ofGirl C. So anyways, I have my answer: not right now. We kiss a couple times, I step back, and he looks at me, and says, "Oh man, we would be so good together."

!!!! All boys take note: that's the way to crush a girl's heart with flattery!

Then the final insult comes. He says, "You know, in the beginning of the year, I was so interested in you, I thought you were awesome, and I really could see myself having a relationship with you..."


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"but then you started dating Ace."















My partying mood evaporated right there. All these boys who all have or had things for me, and the one boy I want, wants to wait. Like a gentleman. It's really great that he wants to wait, because he wants to wait for the right reasons. But that didn't stop me from feeling like shit at that point.

So I ended up sobering up, and lurking around in a bad mood. Matt Damon's sister puked in Donna's shower stall so I helped Donna bleach it, and clean it up. Geoff grabbed my boob, and I punched him as hard as I could, which probably hurt his feelings. I was in such a shitty mood all night after that. To make things worse, Ace had pretty much been avoiding me all night, which is understandable, but then, just before he left, he came up to me, and pointed out the fact that he'd been avoiding me. Ostensibly to reassure me that he didn't dislike me, he was just still trying to get over me, but it still sucked. Lots of boys like yopu, but the boy you want to be with doesn't, and the boy you've been with says things like that. It was a pretty crappy night for me.


So that's my melodrama for the week. Hopefully things will get better. The Oresteia has started. Bad vibes all around, but I'm going to try and get over it, and just do my job. I just don't have the emotional energy to deal with all this drama, put on a good show, and still survive. I never realized how hard it would be without my mom. It's funny. Last year, I would have been able to deal with all this relatively ok. Maybe even thrive. I love it when there's gossip to talk about.

But coming home to an empty house, and no one to pour out your cares to makes everything so much harder. She was the only one I could be totally honest with. She was my diary, and the person who gave me the strength to deal with all the crap. It's so hard to deal without her.

I gotta stop blogging now, I'm crying in the middle of the library.