I hope that you like it in your little motel/ and I hope that the suite sleeps and suits you well

That's what I'm waiting for aren't I? That's what I'm waiting for darlin...

Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Buy it. Or rip my copy. I don't care; everyone must own a copy of this cd cause it's the shiz-nit!

So I've moved into my "little motel"! I love it SO VERY MUCH! I finally bought a new bed, and my extensive toiletries collection (lol) has had space to spread and be comfy among it's own kind! I have a CLOSET again! And I'm not even missing having a microwave all that much. I'm looking at it as a challenge to learn how to cook, finally! And someone who lives by me has wireless, so I've pretty much been using their's, lol! YAY no cable bill! All my stuff looks so happy and homey here! I really really think that it's good for me to live on my own. I mean, it's financially scary, but I know I can make it work. I've made higher rent than this before, with a lot bigger hydro bill.

Having this much money all at once is absolutely terrifying. I don't feel financially stable at all; I feel like I'm living above my means most of the time, and I probably am. On my next check, I'm going to cash it, and only use money I've made at work, or acting. I'm terrified that my money will run out, and I'll discover that my rent really is too much. And I've made my last excusable large purchase (my bed) so there's no acceptable reason for me to be spending more than twenty to fifty dollars a day. I'm gonna try and budget that much and see how that pans out. Some days I'll prolly spend more, and others less, but I definitely want to make sure I have a sustainable lifestyle. I think that's the worst thing about my right now.

I told Jesse we should just be friends. I wasn't feeling it with him. I had more butterflies when he wasn't around than when he was, which tells me I'm more in love with the idea of being in love than anything else, at least as far as he's concerned. And it's no fair to him if I don't let him know.

I have some stuff to say to people. The people to which these are directed most likely don't read this blog, so if you do, don't take it personally.

1) I'm very very sorry. I never meant any disrespect. Being a student has never been my strong suit, and I don't think it ever will. Please don't think I wasted your time, because you gave me so much. I'm going to miss seeing you every day, and your class was my favorite. I don't know what else to say. Please don't think I'm asking you to just forget about it, because I know how much I offended you. But I do hope that I can prove to you that I mean to do well in this business, and I use the tools you gave me all the time. I hope that if I work hard enough, I'll be able to get rid of the terrible light you're seeing me in right now.

I do want you to know that for as little regard as I have for school, I treat my work the exact opposite. Whichever show I happen to be doing is always the first thing in my mind, and if it makes you feel better, I'd ditch joe work for a rehearsal as quickly as school. So while I won't ask you to give an opinion of me that you don't have, I will say that through the work I will do, I hope to win back your respect.

2) I am angry at you. You seem to think it's ok to be one way to someone's face, and then say completely different things about them behind their backs. I know the opinion you have of me deep down, and it's hurt my friendship with you. That is if you ever really considered me a friend in the first place. Because in my opinion, friends don't say the kind of things you've said about me, and about other people to me. The world isn't your stage, and you AREN'T the playwright. The things you say hurt, and they will come out eventually. You better be careful what comes out of your mouth, or you'll end up hurting someone who won't forgive you. Someone you care about more than you'll ever care about me.

3) You treated me like an object. You thought I was available and up for anything, and that you'd look like the player for saying whatever you wanted about it to whomever you wanted. Well you broke my trust, and that's unforgivable. I should have told you this months ago. I hope I never have to deal with your attitude, your arrogance, your carelessness ever again.

4) Thank god I have you three. I love you guys.