Things on Alleah's Mind

1) Moving out of AKA

...this time on my own. I've realized something: I need my space. I need my alone time. I absolutely adore living in a house where people feel comfortable enought o walk right in. I love the fact that I wake up in the afternoon and there's five or six people chillin in my living room. But the other stresses are something that I just can't handle anymore. So far, since I last lived on my own, I've been through four roommates (five if you count my bro). I don't like it. I prefer living on my own. I'm sick of the stresses inherent with living with someone who isn't your family. I would rather struggle.

2) How I'm going to pay for a place of my own

The plan is to move in with my sister (oh dear christ) in April until I'm back on my feet. And getting back on my feet means, finding a second, full-time day job before May, and making enough and saving enough for damage deposit and first months rent. I only make under five hundred per month at Tim's. So the search is on. I've got a couple places I know are hiring, and one's part time that pays more, and the other's full-time that pays less, so hopefully, one of those two will work out.

3) Where this place of my own will be

Once I'm securely in a second job, then I'll start looking for another place, probably a bachelor suite, or one bedroom apartment, or basement suite. My price range is from $400 a month (as it stands) to $600 (once I get job #2). Not hard to find. The hard part is getting to a place where I'm confident enough in my finances to escape the sister's. (nothing but love, Sherayna, but you know how I am with kids!)

4) my audition video

There's so much stuff I have to do yet...I still need the music, because I haven't had the time or energy to get together with Gord. We're supposed to do it tonight, but he hasn't called me yet. I still have to get together with Nikki and finish the dance, and pick the music. I still have to practice the shit out of my monologues. And I'm supposed to film on Friday! I don't think I can do that, I am NOT ready enough. I just can't concentrate on it. Something always comes up. LIKE...item number 5.

5) my settlement

So Sandy told me, he was ready to start and to call him, right? I call him, he's in with a client. I talk to his legal secretary and she asks me all these questions about doctor's appointments. She ends up telling em I have to get in to see my doctor ASAP, because I have to settle by May 18th. So now I have a time limit, because of the stu[id statute of limitations! Which means I have to put a shitload of things on hold and concentrate on this for a while. So I have to convince my doctor that seeing me is more important than anything else, call Debbie (the secretary) as soon as I have the date of the appointment, and get checked out for after effects of the accident. I also have to get in touch with Hilary Whelton and Sharon Sinclair and ask them for professional opinions regarding my voice and changes resulting from the accident. I also have to get a pay stub, or some such from Bard or TheatreOne as proof of my gainful employment in the arts, and will probably have to pay one of the ladies for their letter. Where am I going to get the money for that??? All my money until tomorrow is already gone, because of bills and smokes, and I don't know if Sherayna will want me to help pay rent, so I have to save my checks from work. So that's a shitload of shiz-nit I have to think about and think about NOW.

6) schoolwork, graduating, work for the summer

Stuff like, crew hours for Mike, finishing my mask, the next three duologues for Ross, my two essays for Leon. I have an Emerging Voices gig at the end of this month, and after that, I'm a free bird, so I have to find something to do over the summer. I have to call Eliza and see what she has for me, cause she asked if I wanted to be a part of Cats. I never made the Hitchhiker's audition, because I was just feeling so crappy. And past May, I have no idea what I'm doing, or what I should be aiming for...it's like the black hole of my life starting this summer. I'm plan-less, and that BOTHERS me...

7) what the fuck is going on with my body

My sleep schedule is absolutely haywire. Now I'm waking up at five thirty, six AM after crappy sleeps then going to school and falling asleep stupid early. At least I successfully got back on days this week, but then I have to go back to work this weekend and fuck myself up once again. I'm depressed, I'm scared, I'm not eating properly, I'm eating at bizarre times (last night I fell asleep at five thirty PM, woke up at quarter to eleven, ate a bacon-chicken nugget-turkey salad sandwhich and two apples and tried to go back to sleep, and ended up waking up to Quinn's alarm at five thirty, when I got up and started the day. Drank three pots of coffee and bought two coffees at school and with Jackie and Courtney, and that's about it. I don't know what's going on...I'm either starving, but don't want to eat, or I get an urge to cook something in the middle of the night. A week ago, I got up in the middle of the night and made a grilled cheese sandwich. What's wrong with me?

and in other news...

I got my L and money from U-town. $140. It's already gone from bills and smokes. Whoop-de-frickin-doo.