to party or not to party; THAT is the question.

FIRST POST OF THE NEW YEAR! wakka wakka do do yeah. so I didn't post at all yesterday, but that is because I was somewhat hungover, and I didn't particularly feel like using my brain. Sean and I came home from Barba's at about ten, I think. Vanessa drove us home, and we spoke with Gramma and Grampa briefly as they had just arrived to bring the kids home. Which is a very bad thing, because I had planned my big p-tay of awesemity that you all know about (Alana, you are the only one who doesn't I think, because I couldn't find your email anywhere...normally I like to think I'm a pretty good stalker, but you're good at NOT being stalked! lol!) for the second, when no bothersome children would be home to either mess up my clean house, or bug the people who came to have a good rowdy time. Now they're home, and my decision to cancel the party has been vindicated by the fact that in less than twentyfour hours, they have trashed the semi-cleanliness of this domecile. And you all know their mother: *anything they can mess, she will not clean it (she won't clean anything they will mess up...!* hey! that was the coolest song ever!!! in case you couldn't tell, it was to the tune of "anything you can do I can do better")

ANYWAYS...the effect is, yesterday I was uselessness personified, and so, I cannot clean up an entire house of ridiculousness in less than a day. (oh I just remembered, I have to return jackass today...) So I decided to cancel the party. well, apparently there were a number of people who were actually looking forward to that party, so Laura decided to have it at her house instead! Now the problem for me is, I do want to go, but another of the reasons why I didn't have the party was because during the last show, I completely hit burnout. Like, I was going strong one minute, and then the next...it was like I couldn't move. And I got up to go on standby, and I could hardly control my movement. It was almost like being drunk. So one of the ladies doing front-of-house had this herbal spray that she sprayed under my tongue. It's supposed to help shock victims, and people who are overtired. I guess it did, because I performed ok, but for all I know, that could have been just me. As soon as I got offstage, it was hard for me to get excited again. And then, being the retarded animal that I am, I went to Barb's cast party and got drunk and even more retarded. The next morning, I had one of the worst headaches I have ever experienced in my entire life. But interestingly enough, no barf. curious. It was way too bad to have come from just the alchohol, or I would definately have been vomiting as well. I know my general hang over behavior. So I think the crazyness came from being overtired, then hitting burnout, and then keeping going anyways. The headache was part alchohol, and part exhaustion as well.

So the next morning, the thought of having a party, and having to clean up the house, then host a crazy party with many many people, then having to clean it up all over again just felt like no. So I sent out an email to that effect. So now Gator is having my p-tay for me, but with slightly less people, but unfortunately, I still don't think I'm going to go because of the exhaustion thing that I just told you about. Frankly, right now, I am so tired, and so peopled out that I don't even particularly want to see Sean right now. All I want is to clean my room, put away my X-mas presents (speaking of which remind me to tell you of Sean's INSANELY AWESOME BIRTHDAY GIFT TO ME!!!!!), shower, and maybe style my hair to perfect my technique. lol! I'll be running around in dirty socks, pj pants, and styled hair! I love me sometimes!

So I think my plans for today are to complete the above desired list, maybe make an appearance at Gator's party for a half an hour or so, because she is having my party. But it won't be more than the time it takes another bus to get there to take me home. Sean is coming over at four, (or I am going to his house, I can't remember) because he is going away for an entire week to work. This is gonna suck rhino testicles! His next job will last like three weeks, and he has to go away and camp on some retarded island during the week, and come home only on the weekends. That's pretty much the only reason why I am seeing him today even though I want to be alone. Because I know I won't see him again for forever, and that's gonna suck. Besides, he's not the one who has stupidly exhausted himself, so he doesn't deserve to be punished by my stupid lonerness. So I'll see him tonight, and then during the next week (urgfh!) I'll have all the alone time I want. Which will BLOW.

Does anybody else notice how rambly this post is? Again, because I am overtired. I babble when I'm overtired.

ok, now I HAVE to tell you about the AMAZING birthday gifts from Sean and his family!!! WHEEEEE! They are so fabulous, it's not even funny! Those who were at panto know about the b-day gift from his family. Ok, the story goes like this: everybody has been going out to buy new dresses for New Year's Eve, right? Because that's the spiffy show! We work our asses off for over eight hours, and then we get all dressed up and shmooze with the audience and then we head off to the cast aprty, right? This is the way it goes. So I was pissy one day because I had no dress to wear for New Year's Eve. Why, might you ask, do I not have a dress? Well, this is my indulgent, prideful, Capricorn materialistic side coming out: I haven't bought a new dress since the summer, and so all I have are summer dresses. I am SICK AND TIRED of recyling my summer dresses for winter events. My dignity (and I cringe as I say this, cause I know how bad it sound) is actually offended by having to recycle my old dresses constantly. So, being obstinate, and stubborn as Capricorn is, I refused to wear another summer dress to a winter event, so I decided to just wear jeans and a low cut t-shirt. You know, casual dressy, but it works for the intended purpose. Well, I'm pretty sure you've figured out by now what his family got me, but I'll tell you anyways! I was standing with Sean just before the preshow before the New Year's Eve performance, and he pulls out a bag from Mariposa, and tells me that it's my birthday gift from his family. So I open it up, and there is this beautiful black and red dress that I had tried on with him a coupel weeks back!!!! At his suggestion, they had bought me a new dress for New Years!!!! I was so happy, and dressed right up in that very moment! btw, I was backstage with the cast when I did this, so I WASN'T taking my top off in front of the audience at this point! lol! However, I WAS taking my top off with my boyfriend, and the entire cast in the room, but that's all good.

Then my awesome-possum, incredibly wonderful, proves-that-my-boyfriend-is-literally-the-best-boyfriend-in-the-world gift from Sean...there is this mirror from Jysk that I have been jonesing over ever since I moved into this house...in fact probably from before! It has East indian designed carvings all around the edge of the mirror, and voer top the mirror itself, it has these little doors with bars down them. When I first saw this mirror, it was ninetynine dollars, and I instantly fell in love. I vowed to myself that I WOULD have that mirror one day! I even extracted a promise from my mom that with all the extra relief money that people were sending us because of the fire, there would be a hundred set aside for that mirror! Now my momma really loved it, as well, so she kind of hemmed and hawed about it, in a positive-ish fashion. I was convinced I was getting that mirror! I think she feels guilty that she can't just do that sort of thing when she wants to, because we are so poor. So I had hoped that that guilt would work to my advantage, seeing as how it was the only big thing I had asked for and we had the extra money. Well time went by, and she didn't buy the mirror and one day I inquired about it, and she told me--"Alleah, we don't have the extra money." My jaw dropped. We had HAD the extra money for over two months, and she had made me think that she was going to buy it, even factoring it into expenses that we would be tallying up for the month. And all of a sudden, she's giving me the same excuse she's been giving me for my entire life???!!! I was so furious. I actually didn't speak to her for like two days.

But anyways, I had told Sean about that mirror one day when we were in Jysk and I saw it. He thought it was kinda creepy-looking, and bad-quality. He wanted to build one himself. Which I would totally condone! In fact, I'd probably like it better, because I adore my boy, and if he made something like that, I would love it. But I suppose, come my birthday, he must have decided that it was worth it, because yesterday, when I came home from Barbara's, all my family urged me to go up to my room. I was really kind of weirded out, but I did so. I thought it was another peice of furniture like the bedside table from my mom for my birthday. She did the same thing with it, put in my room where it was supposed to be, and then put soem ribbon that stretched from it to downstairs. But I got up there, and looked around, and there was my beloved mirror, asitting on my desk!!!!! My jaw (again) just dropped, and I was totally speechless. Sean snapped a picture of my face with his camera phone! All I could do was just jump on him, and kiss him with all my love! I was so shocked.

Now THAT is why my boyfriend is truly the absolute best in the whole world! I feel so...just completely and utterly spoiled. I don't deserve that kind of spoiling at all! Seriously, this Christmas, and birthday have been like the Christmases and birthdays that I had always wanted to have cause I'm evil and materialistic, but never seriously thought I'd ever have. In fact, it's been better than those Christmases that I dreamt of...! I just don't know what to think about it! I'm not used to this at all. When you think about it, this Christmas, and birthday, hundreds of dollars have been spent on--me. That is too insane to think about. If Christmases and birthdays keep being this crazy, I don't think my heart will be able to handle it! I already feel guilty that so much has been spent on me...I dunno. I don't deserve this. I certainly don't deserve the sheer incredible-ness of Sean Mantta, that is for sure! I love him so much...

k, I gtg. This post is getting weird.