long email of lifeness

Ok, I wrote this email to my ex-sister-in-law, because she was kind of out-of-touch with me, and wanted an update on my life. I thought it was actually a really good summary of the way things have been going lately, so I've decided to post it. Sorry, things get kind of redundant, cause I know all of you know all lot of the things I've talked about in there. Perhaps this just explains it better.



I know, I'm really sorry about that. Getting on computer has been really difficult lately, because Sherayna dislikes paying bills (*eyes rolling*), and we no longer have internet. I've really been neglecting my emails, and what I've been concentrating on, when I'm on computer is turning into a huge debacle.
And by debacle, I mean Blogger can suck some major ass. Especially when people you don't know post hurtful spiteful things. For the past couple of months, there've been these really awful people posting cruddy comments on everybody's blogs, among my circle of friends. It's created a really stressful tone on everyone's blogs, which I hate, because it's almost like a form of censorship, in my opinion. We no longer feel like we can post about anything anymore, because if we do, we'll be persecuted for it It's really discouraging. And the kicker is, these people are so morally undeveloped that they don't evwen have the balls to leave their own name. It's really pissing me off. Of course, they probably aren't leaving their names, because they know that my boyfriend will, undoubtably kick the ever-living shit out of them. But that's another subject. And for once, I condone. I despise people who are4 so blindly cruel like that. They are so unbelieveably needing to be killed in their sleep, and removed from the gene pool. People of that moral caliber Are what's wrong with this world.
So that is one reason why I have been so neglectful of things lately. Another reason is that, graduating is KILLING MY BRAIN!!!!!! I have applied for every single scholarhsip I possibly could, plus I have been goiung crazy catching up on documentation stuff. I am now the proud owner of a brith certificate!!! :D lol! I know, I am a loser, but it seriously took me so long, and so much hassle to get the fucking thing. I swear, DO NOT go through Welfare,if you need to get any documentation of existence at all. It is too important to trust to those jerk-offs. And if you do, insist that they fax it before your very eyes, if only to insure that it gets faxed. Because I am NEVER EVER EVER EVER goin to wait nine months for a document imperative to my living ever again. I swear, it's just easier to not eat for a couple days and pay the twenty bucks and send the application yourself. Because Welfare is USELESS. But I finally did get it,. adn I sent off my application for a SIN card the next day. So within four weeks, it ought to be legal for me to work in Canada, finally! Every single plan I've ever made just seems so much more reachable now, and only for having gotten one document. It's sad how much it encouraged me.
Speaking of which, I don't think I've told you about any of my big plans lately! But I think I shall, because although I know you'll have some good constructive criticism for me, I also think you'll support me in this (which I'll admit, almost none of my firends here, do, seriously, go here: http://funwithpinto.blogspot.com/2005/02/charlotte-mantta.html#comments; 71 fucking comments on how all my plans are useless, and I'll be on Wlefare for the rest of my life. this episode was crazy! btw, The True Anonymous, and em-eukal, and Sun-Rape, are the cruel assholes I was telling you about).
Ok, my crazy plans are these: Sean and I were talking, and hetold me about this idea, his mom had about what she would think my career should be. And according to Sean's Mom, she thinks me and him should open a Ma and Pa pet store!!! We both love pets of all kinds, and I swear, since her saying thatm, we've spent at least half our time together in a bloody pet store!!! We both are now the proud ownewrs of one dog (Ahrodie), one cat (Charlotte; she's a beautiful long-haired Himalayan) and two lovebirds (VeeVee, and Cocoa). We love them all so much, and we are planning on getting more. We've discussed the idea of the pet store, and one thing that we would both really enjoy doing, pertaining to this business plan, is breed our own dogs, and birds for it. So that spawned the idea of having a breeding farm, but we agreed that we wanted it to be on our own property. We wanted to live with the animals we raised. So we were discussing what kind of house we'd need, and Sean mentioned really liking the house we live in now, but it would need to be modified, and built somewhere out in the country. So, I drew up a set of plans, of our house (the one that you stayed at at Hallowe-en; same one), and incorporated everything we wanted to change about my house (eg, addition of a sunroom, off the living room, bigger basement, nicer master bedroom, and extend the outer walls a few feet, so we had more room), and we've discussed it. I'll probably change a few more things about it, but Sean has the plans, so I can't until I get them back.
So, pertaining to everything, we'd need to start this business, we made a list of things we'd need to do. These include getting bredding, and kenneling licenses, a business lisence, and a loan to cover start-up costs. We started thinking about the loan (and quite a few in-depth financial conversations with my mom, the queen of budgeting), decided that we needed much collateral for this loan. Now Sean already owns a car, which is considered collateral by most banks, but the problem is, it's a liquid asset, which means it's hard to sell, plus owning it doesn't make you moeny, it costs you more money that you might earn in selling it. So we decided that we needed lots more collateral.
Enter the most exciting moment I've ever had in my entire life, lol! Me and Mom were at the Sally Ann, one day, cause they werehaving a fifty percent off sale. While we were there we saw Andrew, and his new girlfriend (you remember Andrew; used to date Yanci). Well, they were buying a couch, and since we had the truck, they asked if we could run the couch up to his house for them, so we agreed. We got to Andrew's house, adn he gave us this tour. He lives in these townhomes down on ninth street (WAY WAY WAY south, in the southern-most part of Harewood) called the Highland Wood. And his house was really really cool, and townhouses go. You entered on one level, which was this mudroom, with closets, and spaces for freezers and such. Then you went up a few steps, and you were in the living area. There was a living room, dining room, kitchen, powder room, and entrance to a back patio. Then you went up another few steps to a storey above the mudroom. This had a nice spacious hallway nook type thing, and two bedrooms on either side. These bedrooms had fiteen foot ceilings, and one had a balcony. Then you went up another few steps to the storey above the living area, and it was another two bedrooms, with lower ceilings, and a full bath. So it was quite a nice townhome, and I cold see myself living there. So I asked Andrew what he was paying for it, and he said: $800 a month. So that's pretty good, but then--oh man! Then he was like, "guess what? that's MORTGAGE, not rent!!!!" and I was like WHAAATTTT????? You freaking own this place for eight hundred a month!!!!! Jeebas!!!
I was so incredibly excited!!! So then I just went nuts, I started figuring a monthly income, with me on minimum wage, and Sean working minimum wage in roofing (which is nine an hour), and even on minimum wage, it is possible!!! For me to go to college, pay off a student loan, and us to be mortgaging this townhouse for eight hundred a month!!! It would take us ten years to pay off the house! I figured a bunch of the contingencies, and such, but the great thing is, the mortgage on this place is the collateral we'd need!!!! So halfway through our mortgage, once we're making good money, NOT just minimum wage, we'd move out, rent it out (which basically pays off the mortgage all by itself, with revenue if we charge more per month than the mortgage is), move into another place, and get our business loan right there!!! We could own our own business, and home by the time we're thirty!!!! Isn't that insane???!!!
Well, those are my plans, anyways. We aren't focusing on them right now, but they are lying in stasis, just waiting for some significant income. btw, I forgot. On minimum wage, with NO help from any of our parents or loans, we can make a ten thousand downpayment in one year, each paying four hundred a month to save for it. So that's basically our plans right now. Even if we moved out at the end of my school year,and were both living on minimum wage, we could pay rent, and save up six to eight hundred dollars a month for downpayment. It is so incredibly possible!!!! And I'm loving it!!!
Well, back to my actual life (lol!), that is where all the blog stress has been coming into play. Somehow, my incredible plan has just knocked the socks off of everyone I know,l and some people I don't, and motivated them into trying to shoot my dreams right the hell out of the sky. On the link, I gave you, there are sventy one comments on MY lfe plan. How sad is that? And the whole thing has just escalated into people I don't know leaving cruel, and pointless comments, on every single post I wirte. It is very depressing.
That is what sucks about lately. i;VE BEEN SUFFERING FROM SOME SERIOUS DEPRESSION, AND EXHAUSTION TO BOOT, JUST FROM EVERYTHING i'VE BEEN DEALING WITH. bOTTLING ALL OF MY FRUSTRATON AT STUPID BLOG WHORES, (OOPS, Caps lock!!! meh, I don't feel like changing it, lol!), plus the stress of graduation, and applying for college, and scholarships, plus prom is com,ing up, adn I'm stressing about paying for all of that, plus I have all this dental work to get done. (Sean's Mom is a dental assistant and she has this huge plan to whiten and fix all my teeth before prom--which is in LESS than two months!!!) And because of all this dental work, I have to go to the doctor's. I am just incredibly overloaded. And of course, there's school. (which BTW, I am doing AWESOME in!) and all of it has resulted in depression, and serious exhaustion. Thank God, Spring Break starts tomorrow! I really need it...
Well, I have to go now, I hope that was a good synopsis of my life right now. Feel free to post one of equalling magnitude back, April!
I hope you're life is ok, and say hi to Lily and Quinn for me next time you see them. Love you lots, see ya later!

Survey from Laura, Brianna, and Barba's Blogs

I AM: sickly and weak
I WILL ALWAYS: hate mushrooms
I MISS: all my friends
I SMELL: not at all.
I CRAVE: laughter
I WORRY: that I'm going to end up losing touch with all my friends in the next year, even the ones who I trust absolutely.
I REGRET: many things I did during May 11 to July 29th of last year, and even some things after that.
I LOVE: Sean
I DANCE: naked
I SING: constantly
I CANT STAND: up right now, or I'll fall over and die.
I LOST: foosball twice in a row to my wonderful wonderful boyfriend.
I LIKE: hugs. puppies. sleeping.
I LISTEN: to to Celine Dion, and I don't care who knows it!
I CAN BE FOUND: in Bio doing a stupid test.
I NEED: to sleep. really really badly.
I KNOW THAT: God loves me.
I HOPE: that I won't fail at life.
I WANT: to get my SIN card.
I AM ALWAYS: loud, except when I'm not.
I CRY: at school when I am super depressed. Like two days ago.
I FELL: in love with a boy.
I WILL: get off this computer soon, so I'm not late for Bio.
I WONT: get mad as often. I WON'T I WON'T I WON'T!
I THINK: that all people should think about hypocrisy more.
I SHOULD: go to sleep earlier
I COULD: get off my ass and go to Bio. but I won't.
I WOULD: keep Charlotte the Cat, if it was possible.
I DIDNT: want to hurt anyone, and I'm sorry if I did.
I LOOK: like death. today, anyways.
I HEAR: white noise that means nothing to me and I wonder if it should.
I HURT: constantly
I HATE: myself often
I FEAR: SPIDERS!
I DONT: want to lose Sean, or any of my friends.
I FEEL: melancholy
I CARE: about trying to be a better person
I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO: be better at what I'm good at.
I HIDE: my hatred
I WRITE: finacial plans, and to-do lists. how boring.
I PLAY: with dogs
.I LEARN: well. when I try that is.
I WILL BE: good. I will be good. I will be good.
I SAY: don't worry. Be hapy. But I am a hypocrite so don't listen to me.
I DONT THINK: that I'll be on time for Bio.
I LOVE TO: be with people and laugh.
I ALWAYS: am striving to accomplish something.
I HAVE: serious depression and I am sick of it.
I BELIEVE: that people suck
I AM: lonely
I NEVER: will hurt someone consciously if I can help it, and if I do, I will hate myself until I die.
I WISH: Sean were here.

ok, so this is interesting

I finally figured it out!!! I thought that when I changed the addy of my blog, it didn't work! But it did! So now I know how to post! Oh happy day!

Actually today is a super-mondo-fantabulous day! Yesterday, after school, Mom picked me and Sean up from school, and we went off and did a bunch of errands. I made a doctor's appointment for the thirty-first to look at my heart murmur. Then we went up to Rutherford, and I made a consulation appointment, and prom appointment at Chatter's formerly known as Estetica for hair, which is all well and good. Then all we had time for before everything closed was to get my birth certificate photocopied at a bank, which was good. Then today, during my spare block, Mom picked me up, and we rushed downtown to put in my SIN card application, which is now done. And then we went to the Access Centre to get a BC student loan application!

And now it's Eng;lish where Mr. Perrett loves me, which is cool, and in Bio, I found out I got 46 and a half out of fifty on my last test! I am feeling very good about life today, which is really good because yesterday I was so depressed, and you'll get more about that later in English class. Yesterday, I broke down in tears in the middle of every single class. Life sucked yesterday.

Anyways, goodbye. Oh, don't forget! You have to get Mr. Perrett to sign your choir field trip forms, and find out what is due for today as far as Act 1 crucible questions go! Plus get Sean to give me prom ticket money, fill out prom guest form, and return it with cash, and prolly other things--OH YEAH! You have two scholarship appies due in by March 31, plus you need to talk to Johnson about theory hours, plus you need to talk to Dean about work experience, plus you need to talk toMr. A about scholarship references. ok, bye.

so, Blogger's a peice

I wrote a huge post about me and Sean's six month but the World Wide Web ate it with it's gluttonous--shit...the bus is coming, I gtg. let's see if it'll post!

bah

I think I've had that title before ^^^. meh, whatever.

Last night was me and Sean's six month. It was really nice; it began when he came to choir. I sometimes feel bad when he comes to choir because it must be so boring for him. There isn't exactly anything I can do about it though; it's his choice to come or not. I won't mind either decision. After choir was done, I wanted to drop off my pack at home, which was inconvenient. He didn't want to take the bus cause he had his bike with him, so he ended up racing me home on his bike! And you know whta: he won! I was so surprised, I thought I was going to have to wait at City Centre for him, but actually by the time I arrived, he'd already been waiting ten minutes, and was ready to leave, lol!

After that we went home. Sean was super thirsty so we both grabbed something to drink (!) and left a little while later. His mom came to pick us up, and she was really enthusiastic about the gift we gave her for her birthday. There's a huge story behind that too, but all I feel like saying about it is, everyone forgot her birthday, and we felt awful, so we ended up walking to my house and I finished up a tray I'd started painting, and we wrote her a card. When she saw it, she said she just loved it! That made me happy.

We drove up to the church, and I met the bishop, which was interesting. Then we went to Wendies, and had our six month anniversary dinner (LOL! fancy, hey? nah, it was great; I loved it!). We got into this huge debate about religion and religious morals concerning homosexuality. I was really enjoying the debate, but Sean was getting frustrated and I was sad about that. I don't want to make him angry, and feel bad when I do because of stupid debates.

After we decided to just drop it, and we walked over to Brad Neilson's where we'd heard there was a get-together of some sort. We got there, and it turned out to be only Brad, and Alana! Apparently there'd been huge miscommunications, and some offense being passed around that circle, so it wasn't on anymore, but Alana, Sean and I never realized that! So us four ended up hanging out in Brad's kitchen for a while talking about--religion! lol, poor Sean! just got off the topic, and then we started it again! April was on speaker phone, cause we were trying to convince her to come over, and abandon her laundry, but she wouldn't. Then we got into another theological debate of sorts, and April had been completely silent, until all of a sudden we heard this little cough-sound from the phone, and realized that we'd forgotten ALL ABOUT HER!!!! lol! We felt bad; Alana started stroking the phone, and I laughed.

Then we went to Rogers to rent a movie we didn't end up watching and just hung out and talked about everything under the sun for the rest of the night. It was great. And Brad and I got into debates every twelve seconds! lol! It was a lot of fun.

Sean gave Alana a ride home, cause it turns out she lives really close to both of us, and I ended up getting home at half past midnight. And this ought to show you just how pathetic I am, this morning I woke up burnt because of it! I'm so pathetic! I'm getting old.

Anyways, the only other thing to say is that this week is a milestone for me! It's the first entire week of this school year that I've been to every single class! lol! Man, I'm so sad!

Ok, I'm done now. Have fun, all.

rebuttal

Ok, for all the people convinced I am uncouth, insensitive cretin, allow me to say this: I at no time talked to Strachen about anything other than NOT blocking Blogger because I needed to get on it because of my English assignment. For the privacy of the person who did, and to ensure that you all don't go witch-hunting THEM like you did to me, your friend, I'll just say that they did it to protect their friends out of a sense of loyalty that I sometimes doubt with other friends. Next time make sure of your facts before you judge something you think I did. Also, before you consider me insensitive, consider what exactly it was you all just did to me. In conclusion (lol, Mrs. Rodgers, Brad!), I'll say thanks to Alana. Your unconditional support is appreciated.

ok, there's no longer an excuse.

not for many things. One of them being my no longer posting on my blog. At first I wanted to milk all that controversary as far as humanly possible, but for the sake of the losers, screaming their ignorance oall over the internet, methinks I should just stop. I was also planning on posting a financial breakdown just to prove that it was possible, which would satisfy Gareth, but probably incite more mockery from computer junkies who have nothing better to do with their time. So I have decided, I just don't give a crap anymore about it. I know my plans, I know they'll succeed, and I DON'T CARE what anybody says about it.

Today, I am sad. The entire day just seems made for sad. I wish I could just go home and sleep, but life just doesn't work that way, I'm afraid. You know, I have just realized that I have spent way too much of my time thinking about comment controversy of late, and now I have nothing to talk about. That's so sad on my part. bad me.

Today, I wrote an English test that actually made me pant in effort! It was BRUTAL. How can a short story unit test on six measly stories be worth a hundred marks? And WTF is cause and effect???!!! I'll tell you what it is: it's the bane of my existence, THAT'S what it is. However, the new unti, The Crucible play is interesting. I enjoy morbid death units, and learning about witchcraft. I even started an English blog for it! How geeky am I, hey?

I feel responsible for everyone shutting their blogs down. And because I feel responsible I feel like slapping each and everyone of those Anons who caused this controversy until they fall down and cry. It's borderline censorship! Who the hell thinks they have the right to torment people until they just stop blogging? This is a sad world, and karma is alive and well, and I am thankful for it.

k, I'm done with this. Maybe I'll have more to say tomorrow.