for donna (and a little something for Ace, too)

(Ace)

because my life is the same old work-work-(Ace)-work, I shall now share a story I hinted about enigmatically on donna's blog. :) It's about the three of the most retarded customers in the whole world and how they descend on hapless unsuspecting stores all in a row.

So I'm working at the deli, right. I was probably in a bad (Ace)mood. I was in quite a lot of them last week. Actually I'm pretty sure I was cause that was the day I worked with Nicole the Infamous Ugmo. Anyways, I'm in the middle of wrapping up these sausage rolls that had just come out of the oven. This old man is in the back of the deli, because he had to use the phone, so he's watching everything I'm doing. After he's (Ace) finished, before leaving the back, he comes up to me, and asks if he can have some of the sausage rolls I'm wrapping. I say, there are some out on the shelves. And he gives me a big endearing elderly smile, and says yeah, but these are fresh. And I was just like whatever, if I argue, I'll get in trouble. So I ask how many he wants. He says four. And then proceeds to take five minutes (each) deciding which sausage rolls he wants. Now in between this, I have to pick up the sausage rolls, run to the overwrap, wrap it up, price it individually, and (Ace) put it in a bag. So finally he gets to four, and by this time there's other customers waiting, he's STILL behind the deli, and I'm behind about two sausage rolls, because the pricer is being a whore. SO I have to tell the other customers that they have to wait, which puts instant bitchy looks on all their faces. (Ace)

Finally I have the last one wrapped, and the old man goes, actually I want this one, too. So I pick that one up and run over to overwrap it and price it. When I get back with that one, he says, is it cheaper to get them in packages of six? because maybe then I'll get another one. I'm le PISSED by now, so I (Ace) say, sir, if you want six, you have to go get the ones that are out there, because these are already priced individually, and I won't repackage them for you. So he says ok, in his bumbling silly old man kind of way, and starts to amble out. I go to change my gloves to serve the next customer, when suddenly he stops just before exiting the deli, and say, "can I get a large of this potato salad?" I finish going crazy, and smile calmly (because I'm crazy and crazy people always smile calmly) (Ace) and say sure. So I start to get him his potato salad, and he's still behind the deli, and I want to tell him to get the (Ace) FUCK out, ebcause he shouldn't be back there, and he starts being a whore about his potato salad, too! Like, he started being like don't pack it down too much! (Ace) Oh but that's not enough, try to get some more in there! (Ace) That peice dropped back in and I want it, cause it's an egg peice! (Ace) That spoon scraped the side of the window, please go get a clean one!

*****

(Ace)

HE ACTUALLY FUCKING SAID THAT!

finally, I looked at the bakery girl (because I'm actually working by myself) and there's this huge line, and I say, "can you please finish this man's order, I've got a huge line." So she says ok.

I move on. The next lady has been standing there almost twelve minutes--TO ASK FOR A BARBEQUED CHICKEN!!!!!! I just looked at her, and pretty much snapped, "it's open, get it yourself" and she laughed like a retard suburban housewife and got it herself.

On to Idiot Customer #3. He's hovering in front of the salads. For this story, I shall borrow Kaitlyn's Idiot Customer story format. (Ace) (my thoughts are in italics)

Stupid-(Ace)Whore(Ace)-Man: (Ace) what's the difference between the potato salads?

Me: this one is made with red potato, and this one has egg. (btw, the names on the tags are "Red Potato Salad with Dijon" and "Deluxe Potato Salad with Egg")

Stupid-Whore-Man: (Ace) How much would an extra large be of the potato salad?

Me: around eleven dollars. It's a pretty heavy salad.

Stupid-Whore-Man: (Ace) what about the other one?

Me: about the same.

Stupid-Whore-Man: (Ace) what's in this one? (pointing at something)

Me: which one?

Stupid-Whore-Man: this one (still pointing)

Me: I can't see what you're pointing at.

Stupid-Whore-Man: the dollar-forty-nine one.

Me: 'do you really think I can see the price you fucking idiot shit head????' you mean the deluxe?

Stupid-Whore-Man: yeah. (Ace)

Me: egg. 'EGG EGG EGG EGG EGG EGG YOU STUPID DUMB SHIT MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS PEICE OF EXCREMENT!!!!!! READ THE FRICKIN SIGN!!!!!!!'

Stupid-Whore-Man: oh. I'll get an extra large of both.

Me: 'FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKFDHGBASDyuigvagoyuidhgzsod
HBFVLAHSDFGVOASHDGVAOSEHFDBVLASHJDBVLASUDGFPASUIDJBV;sjkDBV;sujDPjfs
hjdvbshjdfbvlsdhfjbvlzdjkbsodjfb;sdfojkbn'df;kbnz'sdfkbnz'dkfnb'zdkfnb'zsdkfnb'zsdklnf'baK
bfdhbaolwrhuigLHJ;JGH;SDJFGS;EDUJGHAP;JRGBA;SDFJKGA;SDHJKGGAWDHJIODFH
BSDFDFHSDGFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK' (Ace) ...ok.

FINALLY, finally when the customers were all gone, I go over to Sarah the poor girl who the elderly shithead got foisted off, and told her about the retarded housewife shithead, and the shithead with ADD. She told me about how the elderly shithead made her get two more salads, and did the same thing with those two, too, before leaving deli. We sat there venting to anyone who would listen, until the senior bakery girl cae over and said, "next time just tell them they can't be back here, and to wait for their food out with the other customers."

After that I prayed for the elderly shithead to come back! (Ace)
























(And if you're wondering why you so many "Ace"'s in here, it's because he only scans my blog to find his name and what I wrote about him, so I decided to punish him for not paying proper attention to my riveting work of art. ;D)