spring fever

Feeling unsatisfied with ourselves, and life in general seems to be a theme among my friends as of late. Brianna wants to begin doing all the things she's been PLANNING to do. Mel wants to change the things she dislikes about herself, as do I. So many of us are looking at ourselves in a new light this spring, and trying to take action. This is so great, I think! No matter how experienced we feel, the fact is, we are still SO YOUNG. That's a little weird for me to realize, but it's true. I love the fact that we're all gung-ho about renovating the old me's, and improving ourselves, especially at this time in our lives. It's basically the beginning of our lives as real people, and what a great time to start being the person you want to be.

The following is my plan to becoming a better Pinto.



1) recover from my mom's death

this is SUCH a huge issue with me. I have NOT dealt with my mom's death very well. I've been locking the emotions down, and ignoring them rather than dealing with it, and coming to terms with it, and it shows. From being depressed and not being able to get out of bed and to school, right up to feeling so off-balance I end up doing things I abhor (bonfire party). These are all things that stem from how fucked up my emotional world is from losing my Mom.

To fix this, I am going into therapy, for starters. I am also going to try and recognize when my problems are stemming from my emotional stability (or lack thereof) and when they are actually problems. And I'm going to find some time to devote to just me. This will help with pretty much everything, my boy trouble, my mom trouble, and plain old simple feeling overwhelmed, which happens almost every show.

This part is going to be really hard, but I'm going to try my best. I'm going to try and cry about it. That may seem really weird to those of you who know me, and know how easily I cry at a lot of things. But honestly, every time I get choked up about Mom's passing, I lock it down. I haven't let it out unless I was alone, and even then, I wouldn't EVER sob. That is SO unhealthy, and I must change that.

2) feel happier while single

this is such an important one for me. I don't want to think that all I am is a complement to someone else. That's the kind of thinking that will ruin any chances of a career in acting. The camera/stage doesn't give a shit about how good a girlfriend I am. And the boyfriends I have/have had/will have don't mean a thing to my future; at least not the way my career will. Boys are all well and good, but I want to make such an awesome life for myself without having a boy in the picture, and THEN I can start thinking about relationships again.

To fix this one, I am going to do everything I always wanted to do, but didn't cause I was focusing on boys instead. I'm going to find the money to go into dance again. I miss dance so much. Mrs. Sinclair is starting a community choir next year which I will be involved in. I am going to get better at all my little hobbies that I never spend much time on between school, shows, friends and Boyfriend.

I am going to go absolutely NUTS on friends. I mean, fuck, I have so freakin many of them, why the hell haven't I made good on that before? I don't spend nearly enough time with the people I like that I should, and there are enough people I like a lot that I won't go overboard on any one friend. And this isn't to say just parties, either! I know I'm an excellent person when NOT inebriated, so why is it, I only see most of my friends when I'm drunk? Screw that, I am going to have some awsome, non-alchoholic, hooligan fun with all those people I blew off, or didn't pay as much attention to because I was bf-ing. For starters, me and Barb and Brianna are having a "facilitated sex talk" with the big bro tonight. Also, I wanna have a spa night for all of us girls who are interested in fixing what's broken in our lives. There's some nice picnic-y fun being planned, and who doesn't like picnics??? And I also want to host an anniversary party for all the Nanaimo Failures! How much fun would that be? Semi-formal, come to my place, and drink cocktails, and talk about--what else--SEX! That would be SO MUCH FUN! And it wouldn't be a crazy drunken romp, either. For one thing none of us girls would want to ruin our dresses. And another thing, there aren't enough people on the blog to be able to have a big crazy party! Just a small, tasteful get-together, islander-style! And that's not the end of it, either. I have so many people I would call friends! Where are they??? I want to make better relationships, with all my Mals, especially the second years who I won't be seeing next year. I have Llowyn and Matt the Wh4tev3r (I will spend time with you, if I have to stalk you myself!) in Vancouver, and the Libratorbs who will be my friends whether they like it or not! For that matter, I haven't seen Nicole and Megan, or the rest of the Awesome Squad in forever! Where'd they disappear to??? All the Dovers, who I only see at the mall. Courtney and Quinn and I hang all the time, but only because she comes to our house! Courtney and I have known each other for over a decade! Why don't we chill together more? And Amanda Taft, my old best friend from way back in primary! Every time we get together, we can still talk the way we did back then. There's no awkward between us whatsoever! Why haven't I hung out with her lately. And Brad, and Devin, and Emily, and Ruiz, and April. I feel like I'm in the mood for a video shoot, Devin! Let's get crackin! Foo, I haven't seen in forever, Monkey, I haven't seen in forever. Kevin Dobson, for shit's sake! Paddy Barry, and Jess! Shit, I remember drinking wine, and playing video games with them! It was sweet! Where the duece are they now? And Jordan Skeeles, we haven't hung out in at least a month! We gotta change that, man! Sean, and Amay, and Bethany, we should DEFINITELY hang out and have some good clean Mormon fun! I haven't seen any of you in WAY too long!

HEY! ...maybe I should get baptized. now there's an idea! A little God in my life could help fix a LOT of things!

Ok, my point is, I need to get over the boy issue. I am way too excellent to be tied to a ball and chain at this point in my life. ON to the next thing!

3) work out

I know a bunch of you are going, shut up, Alleah, you look great, but I DON'T CARE. I want to lose five to ten pounds by the end of the Mal
program, OR BUST. I want actual muscles!!! It can only help. With everything. Think of the benefits: I'll have more strength with which to dance, which will ultimately make me a better dancer, and hone a very marketable skill of mine. I'll be so much healthier, and have so much energy and goodness floating around in me! And I'll have soemthing I can do by myself, and just think about whatever while I'm doing it. It is perfect me-time. It's so relaxing, and therapeutic to have something to do with your body that requires no thought whatsoever. And don't worry about the losing weight part of it. I'm small enough that going down to ninety-five pounds or so won't hurt me a bit. Hell, I'm 108 right now!

To make this happen, I am going to brainwash someone with a credit card so I can buy the Gunnar Peterson core-strength video. I don't know why, I just want it. Yoga is not my style, I despise running, and gyms are distasteful, and stinky. Exercise ball is where it's at!

4) focus on my career

I am a good actress. I will succeed. End of story.

But to do that, of course, I need a plan. I am at Mal until April next year. (2007) During that time, I am focusing on my body; working out, using my accident settlement cash to get nicer teeth. I want them bleached and straightened a little. They're kind of gross right now. And of course auditioning for everything humanly possible. EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter where I am in my schooling, if I'm right for a part, I'll get it, and then I'm working. And working as an actress is my goal isn't it?

Next stop on Pinto's Roadmap to Acting would be another school. The year I finish Mal, I'm auditioning for every school I'm interested in. Studio 58, CCPA, UBC, U of A, and Red Deer. If I really want to go all out, I may even audition for the National Theatre School or some such. I'm going to go crazy. Many places won't accept an applicant the first audition around, like Studio 58, but if I go nuts, somebody will be willing to accept me.

At some point, if I can get into a few professional shows, I'm going to go for my Equity apprenticeship. I have to pay a deposit to the union, then be in at least three Equity shows as an apprentice before I get the membership.

After that, I'm just going to keep going to school, and getting farther and farther into student debt until I get working. I just WON'T give up. I can't. It's just not in me. I will never say, "well, I gave it my best shot, and it just wasn't meant to be." I don't care what's 'meant to be.' I WILL act. period.



And that's my plan to becoming an awesome Pinto. Excellence, or bust! VIVA LA PINTO!!!!