Pinto and the Idiot's Guide to Becoming a Pantomime Actor.
-comfortability with...
a) the opposite sex
b) nudity in the vicinity of the opposite sex
c) nudity in the vicinity of the same sex
d) your own sexuality
e) the possibility/probability of being asked to wear makeup, wear women's clothing, wear men's clothing, wear a thong (that applies to men AND women), wear great quantities of spandex and grease paint, show off your body regardless of how comfortable you are with it, act like a total retard and have dignity while doing it.
f) kissing the ass of your director, stage manager, assistant stage manager(s), producer, and/or costume mistress (especially if it's Liz Mowbray of the Bailey Studio! lol!)
g) eating large quantities of popcorn, and gourmet coffee. this is apparently the diet of the professional(ish) stage actor.
-You need to have...
a) a sense of humour. THIS IS IMPERATIVE.
b) the ability to become invisible and visible at times that are convenient for the director and stage manager and producer.
c) the ability to switch from good acting/dancing/singing to crappy acting/singing/dancing in the space of time it takes to change a set and/or costume.
d) the ability to roll with the punches.
e) the ability to see and interact with the audience even though in normal theatre, this is the biggest no-no ever.
f) the ability to take a plot-line that has been recycled constantly since the beginning of time, and make it fresh and funny.
g) the ability to take a JOKE that has been recycled constantly since the beginning of time, and make it fresh and funny.
You must understand that...
a) you WILL be typecast. If you are short, you will play an animal. If you are pretty and have somewhat large breasts, you will play the brainless, two dimensional lead female. If you are tall, imposing, disapproving, and a bit ridiculous, you will play the villain. If you are none of the above, you will play chorus. This is the way it works. Get used to it.
b) traditional rules of theatre DO NOT APPLY. this is a play in THEORY ONLY. you will break almost every single onstage rule of theatre at least once in a pantomime except for the very very very basics and sometimes you will even break those.
c) I had a dream about Sean last night. i dreamt Erin Windross wanted to kiss me after he directed a bunch of school children in a rendition of ome Lion King song in a school production. Then the world was flooded, and Sean saved me by keeping me in his room at his house which was actually not his house in real life, it was completely made up in my brain. btw, I know this has nothing to do with pantomimes, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention!
d) there will be no fabulous dancing. there will be no profound acting. there will be no good songs to sing. you are not there to impress. you are there to entertain in the most meaningless, funny, child-appealing way possible. pantomimes are nothing but fun peices of fluff productions. get used to that, too.
e) and finally, BECAUSE pantomimes are nothing but meaningless fun, and goofiness, you must have a fun and goofy attitude about them. if you are spending hours agonizing over your character, you are going about the pantomime experience incorrectly. if you show up with your lines memorized, and display energy and comedic ingenuity onstage, that is a successful pantomime experience.
hmmm. I think that is a good idiot's guide to panto acting. maybe now everybody who is not a super theatre person who reads my blog will understand what it's like to be a theatre person. oh and btw Barba now undertands what I mean by Dean and the fact that I think he hates me. Now, after what happened w/ her to make her agree w/ me, I am not quite positive that it's just me he hates, I think that it's that he prefers not to spend any energy on scenery. which is essentially what children's chorus is. which comes back to the reason why I pretty much want to quit panto (even though I won't). because it is not fair to be treated like a peice of set work. I still have feelings.
I think the reason why I posted this is because I really don't understand panto acting anymore. I just don't feel in on the fun anymore. I feel like it's something reserved for characters only. And that hurts.
Monday, December 20, 2004
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5 comments:
It's horrible when those who truly love theatre, like yourself and Barb, are shoved into parts that stifle the spirit of the performer.
You're an excellent actress, dear Pinto. Don't let your idiotic casting in a pantomime dampen your spirits.
Oh... PS: I'm sorry about that rant about the comments etc. *shrugs* Bad man, that's what I am. I just miss you all.
which comment rant? I don't remember this comment rant. and in any case, everybody is allowed to rant about not having comments. comments is what makes a blog fun to have. and I defy you grammar nazis who hate what I just said. *raspberry*
oh, and btw, it's not that I've been casted retardedly that makes me want to quit, even though that is one part of it. It's that Dean treats me like what I've been casted as. Seriously, he treats the characters as if they are real people, and the scenery--oh, *cough*, oops, I mean CHILDREN'S CHORUS--like nothing. Barbara used to think that it was mostly me because I asked questions when he specifically said not to ask questions. And for a while, I thought it was that, too, and I tried to ask as little as humanly possible. The only thing I ever asked were things that I really needed to know to give him what he asked for onstage. But everytime I asked him something, he either made me feel like shit, and made me cry with how he said what he said, or he threatened to cut something of the kids. Everytime. And you all know how fricking little the kids have already. And then, it happened to Barbara, and she started to understand what I meant. Like he said something to her that seemed perfectly normal, but when I looked over at her after, she looked on the verge of tears. That is why I wish I could just quit panto. Because it seems like, unless you are a character he doesn't care what you have to say, and he doesn't want to hear any of it. You know, it's not even just that. The reason why I was convinced that he hated me specifically (until it happened to Barb, too) is because he allows absolutely everyone to ask questions. He allows the characters to ask questions, he allows the adult chorus to ask questions, but the minute children's chorus asks one (aka, me or Barb, cause the rest of them are too young to feel comfortable asking him questions), he either makes us feel like shit, or he threatens to cut our involvement. I don't know why this is, but it is ruining panto for me. and the rest of you (excpet for possibly Barbara) probably feel I am over-reacting, as usual, but honestly, try it sometimes. The way he treats us hurts so badly, and it's made me terrified of him.
Hey! This doesn't really have anything to do with your post but... I'm in Naniamo Wed! Come visit my blog for more details!
holy crow! A Whatever in Nanaimo??? This I GOTTA see!
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