so, I have a question for y'all! I'm doing my audition video this week, and for the DVD, I need performance pics, so if any of y'all have pictures of me in performance, would you be able to send me them? It would be so greatly appreciated if you could... Devin's gonna make me up one SEXY audition video, and for it to be amazingly fantastic as it should, I'll need some more pics than I actually have, k?
*loves*
Monday, February 12, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
insignificance and how it can work for you
I realized a lot of things between two thirty this morning and right now. First of all, the world is much too big a place to be changed, or even slightly influenced by a small girl such as myself. A child well reared is sure of it's important place in this world and is positive that it will be the one to succeed where others have failed and contribute to a sense of order and peace on this chaotic planet. The adult it becomes learns better, learns how big our home really is, and how difficult is can be to attain even a tiny niche to call it's own. I realized that no matter how sure I am of success, it takes only a couple of tiny "insignificant" circumstances to take it out of reach again.
Today I learned that no matter how skilled, how prepared I think I am, its not enough. I need to be more prepared. More skilled. More confident. CCPA is out of reach for another year for me because of a bunch of tiny stupid things (work, lost student card, inconvenient bus schedules, overextended me), and one huge thing (sheer unpreparedness). It's no one's fault but my own. I feel so small right now, and so utterly stupid. I think I can do it all, but I can't. But even knowing that, it's still not good enough. I MUST do it all. I have no other choice. I can't imagine any other choice but to do it all. Plan B is now put off for at least another year. Plan A MUST succeed, or at the very least Plan C. Plan D doesn't bear thinking about for at least another month.
While I feel utterly useless right now, perversely, it's only made me more determined to succeed in my next year. It's all me right now. No one's going to help me when I think I need it, no one will be there to pick up my slack. I owe it to myself to start carving the niche I want in life, or live with the consequences. And the consequences are unacceptable.
What I need to do, in the next week: PEN number, apply to Langara, get a transcript, get head shots done, start looking for apartments, get my L, finish my mask, start my essay, get a new student card, push myself harder than ever to do EVERYTHING. Take care of myself. Less sitting around, doing what I want, relaxing, more thinking of what needs to be done, what the next week will require of me.
I. Cannot. Fail.
Today I learned that no matter how skilled, how prepared I think I am, its not enough. I need to be more prepared. More skilled. More confident. CCPA is out of reach for another year for me because of a bunch of tiny stupid things (work, lost student card, inconvenient bus schedules, overextended me), and one huge thing (sheer unpreparedness). It's no one's fault but my own. I feel so small right now, and so utterly stupid. I think I can do it all, but I can't. But even knowing that, it's still not good enough. I MUST do it all. I have no other choice. I can't imagine any other choice but to do it all. Plan B is now put off for at least another year. Plan A MUST succeed, or at the very least Plan C. Plan D doesn't bear thinking about for at least another month.
While I feel utterly useless right now, perversely, it's only made me more determined to succeed in my next year. It's all me right now. No one's going to help me when I think I need it, no one will be there to pick up my slack. I owe it to myself to start carving the niche I want in life, or live with the consequences. And the consequences are unacceptable.
What I need to do, in the next week: PEN number, apply to Langara, get a transcript, get head shots done, start looking for apartments, get my L, finish my mask, start my essay, get a new student card, push myself harder than ever to do EVERYTHING. Take care of myself. Less sitting around, doing what I want, relaxing, more thinking of what needs to be done, what the next week will require of me.
I. Cannot. Fail.
Friday, February 09, 2007
bored.
don't you hate it when you copy something from someone's blog, but it doesn't change lines, so you have this huge mass of text instead of a nicely laid out survey to do? READ MY THOUGHTS!!!!
Odd Questions
1.) Do you talk in your sleep? constantly
2.) Red Jello or Blue Jello? jello? yuck. mousse; I'm classy!
3.) Whats the song thats getting on your nerves right now? sexy back...how sad!
4.) Favorite Food Group: MEAT! Give me carcass...
5.) What's your favorite color(s)? pink and green! so obnoxious!
6.) Window seat or aisle seat? window seat, of course.
7.) Ever met anyone famous? I served Diana Krall and Elvis Costello when I worked at the Avalon. Even Grammy Award winners need popcorn.
8.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? How can I be successful in my life yet? I'm less than a quarter of the way through it. I haven't even achieved ONE long term goal. Talk to me in five yearsa about success.
9.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? cutting's for wimps. A real man twirls.
10.) Who do you like - Ricky Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Oh, I'm all about the Oprah. Go business conglomerate!
11.) Basketball or Football? football movies, and to watch live, hockey. basketball is lame. is this stupid survey American???
12.) How long do your showers last? As long as the water stays hot, and my fingers aren't too pruny.
15.) Are you self-conscious? yeah, especially lately. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with the shape of my bum.
16.) Have you ever given money to a bum? I gave a bum ten bucks today by accident...
18). Where do you wish you were? onstage in a professional show, or in the arms of a certain person
19. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? urgh, yes...don't ask me what it looked like, I happened to be unconscious at the time.
20.) Can you tango? can YOU tango? then shut the fuck up!
21.) Last gift you received? my christmas package from Amber; Both Jackass movies, and Robin Williams Live on Broadway a shirt that says "I'm blogging this" (how appropriate), and a funny door thing that I'm sure you'll all see next party.
22.) Last sport you played? haha, bocci ball at Geoff's house while we dated!
23.) Things you spend a lot of money on? lately, or in general? clothes, rent, smokes, coffee.
26) Favorite FAST food restaurant? Tim Horton's, unfortunately. Hey at least most of what I eat is free, and slightly less greasy!
27) What food will you not eat? Mushrooms. Oysters. Buckley's cough syrup. Anchovies. Liver. Tongue. Clam. I'm pretty picky...
28) Can you sing? can I ever!
30) What's your least fav. chore? I'm not a big scrubber...if I could have a maid for one thing, it would be wall scrubbing. Almost everything else, I get in a mood for and go nuts doing it until my house is spotless.
31) Favorite Drink? oh how I love liquids! Favorite alcholic drink that I have often? Strawberry Smoothie Bacardi Breezer. Alchohol drink in general? Probably that Electric Popsicle thing from the bar the other night. AMazing! Nonalchoholic drink? strawberry kiwi or peach juice. Designer coffee? now that is super difficult...each coffee shop has a different favorite. I adore my double caramel lattes from Jumpin Java, but mocha lattes from Demeter's are also amazing, whereas, venti white chocolate mochas OR caramel machiattos from Starbucks are glorious. Also Coyote's Pumpkin Spice Latte is INCREDIBLE! too bad it's seasonal...
32) Are you a vegetarian? HELLZ NO
33) Do you believe in Heaven? Yes
34) Do you miss someone? Always
35) Have you ever come close to dying? not that I know of. I've been in a few situations where if ONE thing had been slightly different about it, I could/would have died.
37) Are you eating? right now? no, I taste like pickle and that's making me a little nauseous.
38) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? mmmm, yep.
39) Do you wear makeup? quite often...I'm an actress!
40) Whats your worst fear? big spiders, falling, earthquakes, dying unnaturally.
41) Would you ever have plastic surgery? if I had a really good excuse, like having been in an accident.
42) What do you wear to bed? pj pants, and a t-shirt. pretty generic.
45) What kind of shoes do you wear usually? Usually my black skate shoes. Sometimes my black leather knee-highs.
46) Do you want kids? yes, but not until I have the right guy
47) Future child's name? Arianna. I also want a bunch of boys.
50) Do you snore? sometimes I wake myself up I snore so loud. mostly I deny it though
51) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? London!
52) Do you sleep with stuffed animals? *sigh* no... my bed is very big...and very lonely....
53) If you won the lottery, what would you do? buy a house, a car, and keep on doing what I'm doing.
54) Gold or silver? white gold. best of both worlds!
55) Hamburger or hot dog? I'm all about hamburgers.
56) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be ? sandwhiches. you get all the food groups and can pick them apart and horde whatever food group you're craving until you're satisfied and can switch cravings!
57) City, beach, country? I can't choose....
58) What was the last thing you touched? other than the computer, probably my face.
59) What did you eat last? pickles. and then some candy. before that grilled cheese. ew...
60) When was the last time you cried? last night. MasterHarper Robinton died in my book! It was reeeaaaally sad!
61) Do you read blogs? haha, damn straight!
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear? currently, black... (I had to check! :P)
2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now? CCPA auditions, the rest of this year, the rest of my life, boys, in that order.
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now? doing a survey; idiot.
4. Honestly, what did you do today? Slept in like a lazy shit, bought a new Discman, cashed my old work checks, stretched and jogged a little, then did all the dances from Urinetown twice, except for the break in We're Not Sorry which I did about thirty times. I actually made the double pirouette a couple times! After that, helped unplug the toilet, made grilled cheese for AKA, watched two Disney movies, allowed ass to fall asleep doing this stupid survey.
5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive? most of the time.
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? yes...I smoked a whole pack...ew
7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel? FUCK no! Who has time to watch tv?
8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? not really. Maybe Jilly and Gregoire, but I wouldn't say jealous, so much as envious.
9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? being onstage, standing o's, knowing I'm on the right path.
10. Honestly, do you bite your nails? nope. Not unless one has a chip in it.
11. Honestly, what is your mood right now? well my ass is asleep and that really isn't conducive to a very good mood.
12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? no
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute? no. and that's the problem.
14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? no
16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now? not unless you count gargle gargle and the other one. And they're not important to hate. They're just irksome.
17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now? who/what? wtf kind of a question is that? who/what! yes I want to hug Santa Clause and a mailbox. (...I mock to keep from saying something emo)
18. Honestly, are you loyal? yes
19. Honestly, are you in denial? that my ass is asleep, and I should stop doing this survey and go do something constructive like memorize my monologue? yes.
20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ASK THAT QUESTION????
21. Honestly, who is your best friend? ...*sniff*
22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol? what a stupid stupid question
23. Honestly, do you like someone? lol, yes, but it's so sixth grade I would drown myself before ever admitting it here!
24. Honestly, does anyone like you? no
25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? honestly, shut the fuck up, impertinent survey.
26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly? no
Odd Questions
1.) Do you talk in your sleep? constantly
2.) Red Jello or Blue Jello? jello? yuck. mousse; I'm classy!
3.) Whats the song thats getting on your nerves right now? sexy back...how sad!
4.) Favorite Food Group: MEAT! Give me carcass...
5.) What's your favorite color(s)? pink and green! so obnoxious!
6.) Window seat or aisle seat? window seat, of course.
7.) Ever met anyone famous? I served Diana Krall and Elvis Costello when I worked at the Avalon. Even Grammy Award winners need popcorn.
8.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? How can I be successful in my life yet? I'm less than a quarter of the way through it. I haven't even achieved ONE long term goal. Talk to me in five yearsa about success.
9.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? cutting's for wimps. A real man twirls.
10.) Who do you like - Ricky Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Oh, I'm all about the Oprah. Go business conglomerate!
11.) Basketball or Football? football movies, and to watch live, hockey. basketball is lame. is this stupid survey American???
12.) How long do your showers last? As long as the water stays hot, and my fingers aren't too pruny.
15.) Are you self-conscious? yeah, especially lately. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with the shape of my bum.
16.) Have you ever given money to a bum? I gave a bum ten bucks today by accident...
18). Where do you wish you were? onstage in a professional show, or in the arms of a certain person
19. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? urgh, yes...don't ask me what it looked like, I happened to be unconscious at the time.
20.) Can you tango? can YOU tango? then shut the fuck up!
21.) Last gift you received? my christmas package from Amber; Both Jackass movies, and Robin Williams Live on Broadway a shirt that says "I'm blogging this" (how appropriate), and a funny door thing that I'm sure you'll all see next party.
22.) Last sport you played? haha, bocci ball at Geoff's house while we dated!
23.) Things you spend a lot of money on? lately, or in general? clothes, rent, smokes, coffee.
26) Favorite FAST food restaurant? Tim Horton's, unfortunately. Hey at least most of what I eat is free, and slightly less greasy!
27) What food will you not eat? Mushrooms. Oysters. Buckley's cough syrup. Anchovies. Liver. Tongue. Clam. I'm pretty picky...
28) Can you sing? can I ever!
30) What's your least fav. chore? I'm not a big scrubber...if I could have a maid for one thing, it would be wall scrubbing. Almost everything else, I get in a mood for and go nuts doing it until my house is spotless.
31) Favorite Drink? oh how I love liquids! Favorite alcholic drink that I have often? Strawberry Smoothie Bacardi Breezer. Alchohol drink in general? Probably that Electric Popsicle thing from the bar the other night. AMazing! Nonalchoholic drink? strawberry kiwi or peach juice. Designer coffee? now that is super difficult...each coffee shop has a different favorite. I adore my double caramel lattes from Jumpin Java, but mocha lattes from Demeter's are also amazing, whereas, venti white chocolate mochas OR caramel machiattos from Starbucks are glorious. Also Coyote's Pumpkin Spice Latte is INCREDIBLE! too bad it's seasonal...
32) Are you a vegetarian? HELLZ NO
33) Do you believe in Heaven? Yes
34) Do you miss someone? Always
35) Have you ever come close to dying? not that I know of. I've been in a few situations where if ONE thing had been slightly different about it, I could/would have died.
37) Are you eating? right now? no, I taste like pickle and that's making me a little nauseous.
38) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? mmmm, yep.
39) Do you wear makeup? quite often...I'm an actress!
40) Whats your worst fear? big spiders, falling, earthquakes, dying unnaturally.
41) Would you ever have plastic surgery? if I had a really good excuse, like having been in an accident.
42) What do you wear to bed? pj pants, and a t-shirt. pretty generic.
45) What kind of shoes do you wear usually? Usually my black skate shoes. Sometimes my black leather knee-highs.
46) Do you want kids? yes, but not until I have the right guy
47) Future child's name? Arianna. I also want a bunch of boys.
50) Do you snore? sometimes I wake myself up I snore so loud. mostly I deny it though
51) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? London!
52) Do you sleep with stuffed animals? *sigh* no... my bed is very big...and very lonely....
53) If you won the lottery, what would you do? buy a house, a car, and keep on doing what I'm doing.
54) Gold or silver? white gold. best of both worlds!
55) Hamburger or hot dog? I'm all about hamburgers.
56) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be ? sandwhiches. you get all the food groups and can pick them apart and horde whatever food group you're craving until you're satisfied and can switch cravings!
57) City, beach, country? I can't choose....
58) What was the last thing you touched? other than the computer, probably my face.
59) What did you eat last? pickles. and then some candy. before that grilled cheese. ew...
60) When was the last time you cried? last night. MasterHarper Robinton died in my book! It was reeeaaaally sad!
61) Do you read blogs? haha, damn straight!
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear? currently, black... (I had to check! :P)
2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now? CCPA auditions, the rest of this year, the rest of my life, boys, in that order.
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now? doing a survey; idiot.
4. Honestly, what did you do today? Slept in like a lazy shit, bought a new Discman, cashed my old work checks, stretched and jogged a little, then did all the dances from Urinetown twice, except for the break in We're Not Sorry which I did about thirty times. I actually made the double pirouette a couple times! After that, helped unplug the toilet, made grilled cheese for AKA, watched two Disney movies, allowed ass to fall asleep doing this stupid survey.
5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive? most of the time.
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? yes...I smoked a whole pack...ew
7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel? FUCK no! Who has time to watch tv?
8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? not really. Maybe Jilly and Gregoire, but I wouldn't say jealous, so much as envious.
9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? being onstage, standing o's, knowing I'm on the right path.
10. Honestly, do you bite your nails? nope. Not unless one has a chip in it.
11. Honestly, what is your mood right now? well my ass is asleep and that really isn't conducive to a very good mood.
12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? no
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute? no. and that's the problem.
14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? no
16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now? not unless you count gargle gargle and the other one. And they're not important to hate. They're just irksome.
17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now? who/what? wtf kind of a question is that? who/what! yes I want to hug Santa Clause and a mailbox. (...I mock to keep from saying something emo)
18. Honestly, are you loyal? yes
19. Honestly, are you in denial? that my ass is asleep, and I should stop doing this survey and go do something constructive like memorize my monologue? yes.
20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ASK THAT QUESTION????
21. Honestly, who is your best friend? ...*sniff*
22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol? what a stupid stupid question
23. Honestly, do you like someone? lol, yes, but it's so sixth grade I would drown myself before ever admitting it here!
24. Honestly, does anyone like you? no
25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? honestly, shut the fuck up, impertinent survey.
26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly? no
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
steely eyed stare
ok. I got a question for y'all. I want an honest answer on this. Do not hold back, I value your opinions, and want honest feedback. Offense will not be taken because I am asking for you to lay it all bare.
Am I annoying? Well, obviously I have my regular annoying moments, but when am I REALLY annoying, and you just want to belt me into next week? I'm sure I have those moments, and I know it's hard to stomach, but I genuinely want you guys to tell me when I need to pull back a little. I don't want to be walking around in a cloud of my own arrogance, pissing you all off and have no idea the whole time. I was just talking about this, because lately, I FEEL annoying. You know what I mean? That feeling where all of a sudden everything you say comes out sounding ridiculous to yourself, and you can't seem to act like a normal person.
Also, with Urinetown having just ended, I've been asking the people I respect about their opinions...you know, where I need improvement, that sort of stuff. And the feedback I've been getting is a little disturbing. Things like, hard to work with, presence-eater, good at making myself look good as opposed to making everyone onstage look good, diva-ish. I REALLY don't want to slide into the arrogance pit of doom. It's scary, thinking you just finished this amazing show, and hearing a lot of negative things from the people you respect the most. I know they told me because I asked, and they wouldn't have put it so bluntly if they didn't think I could fix it. But it has put me into this really terrible balance in my head, and now I feel pretty unconfident when it comes to Power. Let alone my audition weekend. urg...
So, what about it? Is this something I can fix? Or am I inherently arrogant, and irritating, and is it going to be my downfall? to borrow something from Jordan...
current mood: a little terrified...
Am I annoying? Well, obviously I have my regular annoying moments, but when am I REALLY annoying, and you just want to belt me into next week? I'm sure I have those moments, and I know it's hard to stomach, but I genuinely want you guys to tell me when I need to pull back a little. I don't want to be walking around in a cloud of my own arrogance, pissing you all off and have no idea the whole time. I was just talking about this, because lately, I FEEL annoying. You know what I mean? That feeling where all of a sudden everything you say comes out sounding ridiculous to yourself, and you can't seem to act like a normal person.
Also, with Urinetown having just ended, I've been asking the people I respect about their opinions...you know, where I need improvement, that sort of stuff. And the feedback I've been getting is a little disturbing. Things like, hard to work with, presence-eater, good at making myself look good as opposed to making everyone onstage look good, diva-ish. I REALLY don't want to slide into the arrogance pit of doom. It's scary, thinking you just finished this amazing show, and hearing a lot of negative things from the people you respect the most. I know they told me because I asked, and they wouldn't have put it so bluntly if they didn't think I could fix it. But it has put me into this really terrible balance in my head, and now I feel pretty unconfident when it comes to Power. Let alone my audition weekend. urg...
So, what about it? Is this something I can fix? Or am I inherently arrogant, and irritating, and is it going to be my downfall? to borrow something from Jordan...
current mood: a little terrified...
Monday, February 05, 2007
*burp*
My actor tummy is happy from munching on lots of new actor meat. We had the first rehearsal of Power tonight. Wow is THAT going to be a tech wank and a half! Seriously, this show is going to allow the technically minded in our program to shine like nothing. The acting is much less meaty, though I'll have fun with whatever role I get, like I always do. Can we just talk a little about how much NUDITY is in this show? Like, not even kidding, Biff is definitely going to be naked on stage, and if I get the role I want, I may have to show some titty as well...but that depends on the finished script.
Honestly, that is the thing I like the least about this show--that the script is still in the workshopping stage. Most of tonight was a read through and then a bunch of workshopping. That makes me nervous, because I don't like the idea of rehearsing script that's still in production.
On a lighter note, this weekend in AUDITION WEEKEND!!! Friday, I have Power rehearsal, then that night I work till three, then me and Martha head down to Vic for CCPA auditions, then I need to find a ride back to Nanaimo before seven for another shift, and the next morning is B2B auditions, and then that night, I'm heading over to Van...I'm pretty sure if it's ok, I'm staying with Llowyn that night and the next morning is UBC auditions. Then I have to be back in Nanaimo at seven for Power rehearsal. phew! Busy weekend...but it's worth it! *sigh*
For my dramatic monologue, I'm doing Philomele from The Love of a Nightengale, after she gets raped, and for my comedic, I'm doing Mary from The Melville Boys. Big surprise for everyone in acting today, huh, lol! After all buying all those monologue books, I find two brilliant ones in acting one day on a fluke! For my song, I think I'm doing What is This Thing Called Love from De-Lovely. I'd rather do something I like a little more--I wanted to do Privilege to Pee from Urinetown, but there's no way I can find the accompaniment in time...I wonder if Marisha's libretto included the piano...if it did...
Laura, what do you think? Should I attempt the impossible and look for the Privilege accompaniment, cause I sound reeaaally good doing that song, or should I try for less show-tuney, and do a song I've only just learned, that's a little more impressive with the jazzy key and what not?
Honestly, that is the thing I like the least about this show--that the script is still in the workshopping stage. Most of tonight was a read through and then a bunch of workshopping. That makes me nervous, because I don't like the idea of rehearsing script that's still in production.
On a lighter note, this weekend in AUDITION WEEKEND!!! Friday, I have Power rehearsal, then that night I work till three, then me and Martha head down to Vic for CCPA auditions, then I need to find a ride back to Nanaimo before seven for another shift, and the next morning is B2B auditions, and then that night, I'm heading over to Van...I'm pretty sure if it's ok, I'm staying with Llowyn that night and the next morning is UBC auditions. Then I have to be back in Nanaimo at seven for Power rehearsal. phew! Busy weekend...but it's worth it! *sigh*
For my dramatic monologue, I'm doing Philomele from The Love of a Nightengale, after she gets raped, and for my comedic, I'm doing Mary from The Melville Boys. Big surprise for everyone in acting today, huh, lol! After all buying all those monologue books, I find two brilliant ones in acting one day on a fluke! For my song, I think I'm doing What is This Thing Called Love from De-Lovely. I'd rather do something I like a little more--I wanted to do Privilege to Pee from Urinetown, but there's no way I can find the accompaniment in time...I wonder if Marisha's libretto included the piano...if it did...
Laura, what do you think? Should I attempt the impossible and look for the Privilege accompaniment, cause I sound reeaaally good doing that song, or should I try for less show-tuney, and do a song I've only just learned, that's a little more impressive with the jazzy key and what not?
Sunday, February 04, 2007
I want to shoot myself in the head
Urinetown is over. I'm fucking tired from working all night after closing the show, and not sleeping all day like I should have after the all night shift I had the night before that, and the show I did before that, and the day of school I had before that. I want to be left alone, but I also want someone to come hug me. I want to stop feeling so goddamn emo, but I also want to wallow in my misery for a good day or two.
I have a new email address, for work contacts. theatrically_alleah@hotmail.com the other one still works, and I still use it, this one is just for work.
bah.
I have a new email address, for work contacts. theatrically_alleah@hotmail.com the other one still works, and I still use it, this one is just for work.
bah.
Friday, February 02, 2007
my contacts hurt
omg, blarg and a half...
I feel--icky...this may not be the best time to be posting on the old blogeroo, but I feel the need to talk about myself. yuck. anyways...k, I'm tired from Urinetown, unhappy and lonely, and a tad bit drunk from going out with a few Urinetowners tonight...
I don't even know what to say that won't be misconstrued or taken a little too seriously...I'm just feeling so much right now, with no discernable answer. I mean, I'm pretty confident about my future professionally. I'm just so...lonely right now. Urgfh. It's not that I'm jealous of the people who are happily attached, it's just that I'm so NOT right now that it's just sad...
Amber mentioned that everytime I think I'm interested in some guy, I get distracted by someone who I think I'm MORE interested in...that may have some validity to it, but also maybe not...
All I know is that there is someone I think I'm pretty interested in, who doesn't seem to be interested for the same reason that I usually use (ironic, much?), who I would surprisingly love to be involved with right now. With no cons...I mean, I usually have some pros and some cons, but this specific person seems to have no reason why I shouldn't be attracted to him...and apparently people other than the few I have confided in know this, and I'm incredibly confused as to how THAT happened...
I don't know...I am just one confused, lonely Pinto. bah. that sucks.
I feel--icky...this may not be the best time to be posting on the old blogeroo, but I feel the need to talk about myself. yuck. anyways...k, I'm tired from Urinetown, unhappy and lonely, and a tad bit drunk from going out with a few Urinetowners tonight...
I don't even know what to say that won't be misconstrued or taken a little too seriously...I'm just feeling so much right now, with no discernable answer. I mean, I'm pretty confident about my future professionally. I'm just so...lonely right now. Urgfh. It's not that I'm jealous of the people who are happily attached, it's just that I'm so NOT right now that it's just sad...
Amber mentioned that everytime I think I'm interested in some guy, I get distracted by someone who I think I'm MORE interested in...that may have some validity to it, but also maybe not...
All I know is that there is someone I think I'm pretty interested in, who doesn't seem to be interested for the same reason that I usually use (ironic, much?), who I would surprisingly love to be involved with right now. With no cons...I mean, I usually have some pros and some cons, but this specific person seems to have no reason why I shouldn't be attracted to him...and apparently people other than the few I have confided in know this, and I'm incredibly confused as to how THAT happened...
I don't know...I am just one confused, lonely Pinto. bah. that sucks.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
*hungry*
omg...please god get me through this.
So tomorrow I work at seven, eh? Til three AM. Then I work at seven the next day too. Then the next day, I have q2q and dress tech for U-town from one to five...not such a bad day, considering. The next day, I have my theatre history presentation, our little acting skits go up, then I have a rehearsal from seven to ten, then I work from eleven PM to seven AM. I stay up for Mike's class until twelve thirty, then catch a few Z's in the green room until people get there at seven for U-town. Then I go back to work at eleven til seven the next morning. That night is preview. And then we're in.
What have I got myself into? I'm always pushing myself, but this is ridiculous...can I really do this in the week leading up to opening? I CAN'T get sick. I can't, I can't... I hope Leon and Ross are ok with me missing Wednesday, because I MUST sleep that day. I was going to sleep Tuesday too, but we start masks that day. I might end up missing it anyway...we'll see what kind of shape I'm in. And the only reason I'm working is because ass-bastard Mitch decided that he wouldn't let me have the time off. I tried to book the week off, and he's like, "NO." Straight up, NO, had no sympathy for me at all.
Please guys, if I do miss stagecraft that day, please understand what my next week is going to be like, and please don't harass me about it. I'm going to be extremely stressed out.
lovey lovey to all! I'll see ya on the fourth, lol! Cause that's the next time I'll be truely awake! :P
So tomorrow I work at seven, eh? Til three AM. Then I work at seven the next day too. Then the next day, I have q2q and dress tech for U-town from one to five...not such a bad day, considering. The next day, I have my theatre history presentation, our little acting skits go up, then I have a rehearsal from seven to ten, then I work from eleven PM to seven AM. I stay up for Mike's class until twelve thirty, then catch a few Z's in the green room until people get there at seven for U-town. Then I go back to work at eleven til seven the next morning. That night is preview. And then we're in.
What have I got myself into? I'm always pushing myself, but this is ridiculous...can I really do this in the week leading up to opening? I CAN'T get sick. I can't, I can't... I hope Leon and Ross are ok with me missing Wednesday, because I MUST sleep that day. I was going to sleep Tuesday too, but we start masks that day. I might end up missing it anyway...we'll see what kind of shape I'm in. And the only reason I'm working is because ass-bastard Mitch decided that he wouldn't let me have the time off. I tried to book the week off, and he's like, "NO." Straight up, NO, had no sympathy for me at all.
Please guys, if I do miss stagecraft that day, please understand what my next week is going to be like, and please don't harass me about it. I'm going to be extremely stressed out.
lovey lovey to all! I'll see ya on the fourth, lol! Cause that's the next time I'll be truely awake! :P
Saturday, January 13, 2007
so thoughtful
So many thought-provoking posts from everyone lately. Every blog feeds my brains with thinking-food. It seems everyone is in a instrospective mood lately. From Jill's Nanaimo bath to Gregoire's mental anatomies, to Davies' family of tenses. Lisa is a tortured artist, Kylan feels the pressure of other people's irritation. I've written a surprising number of (probably excessively) positive comments tonight. (this morning? it's five thirty AM...whatever) I feel so positive towards my friends, and yet...deep down inside, the light is faltering. I'm sad. I don't like it. I don't know how to fix it. I wish I could make a graph of my levels of feeling to explain it to you. Jesus, I wish I could simply find the words...but I can't.
k...I'm going to try....
I'm looking for something, and I only have a vague idea of what it is, and it seems like I'm looking for it in all the wrong places. Should I have a more clear-cut idea of what I want in a guy? And say, this is my criteria, match it or forget it. Or do what I've been doing and be accepting. All that's given me is a lot of cow pie.
I think sad is the wrong way to describe how I am feeling lately. Because I'm not at all. Most of me is pretty darn content with life. I think I'm very unsettled, though. Not unconfident. Not confused. Just not steady. I'm usually so grounded, and centered on what I want, and how to get it. Not now though. Lonliness is certainly a part of it. And not just boy-related. I don't have a clear best friend right now, I don't have a boy, I don't have any close family. Quinn doesn't understand why I feel the way I do. His empathetic usefulness comes and goes, and usually has more to do with Mom than my actual life, and besides, right now, he's concentrating on a wedding. I'm truly foundationless right now, and that's probably a big part of my unsettledness.
All I have are my dreams. Nothing makes my right-now as shiny and beautiful as it should be. Now THAT makes me sad.
Sorry, this was probably depressing, or boring. I needed to ramble my way through my feelings so that I can conquer them. And with no one to hack through it with in private, my feelings get shoved onto all y'all on the internet. And that means, along with listening to my chatter, I need some wisdom. What's my deal? Why am I so needy?
k...I'm going to try....
I'm looking for something, and I only have a vague idea of what it is, and it seems like I'm looking for it in all the wrong places. Should I have a more clear-cut idea of what I want in a guy? And say, this is my criteria, match it or forget it. Or do what I've been doing and be accepting. All that's given me is a lot of cow pie.
I think sad is the wrong way to describe how I am feeling lately. Because I'm not at all. Most of me is pretty darn content with life. I think I'm very unsettled, though. Not unconfident. Not confused. Just not steady. I'm usually so grounded, and centered on what I want, and how to get it. Not now though. Lonliness is certainly a part of it. And not just boy-related. I don't have a clear best friend right now, I don't have a boy, I don't have any close family. Quinn doesn't understand why I feel the way I do. His empathetic usefulness comes and goes, and usually has more to do with Mom than my actual life, and besides, right now, he's concentrating on a wedding. I'm truly foundationless right now, and that's probably a big part of my unsettledness.
All I have are my dreams. Nothing makes my right-now as shiny and beautiful as it should be. Now THAT makes me sad.
Sorry, this was probably depressing, or boring. I needed to ramble my way through my feelings so that I can conquer them. And with no one to hack through it with in private, my feelings get shoved onto all y'all on the internet. And that means, along with listening to my chatter, I need some wisdom. What's my deal? Why am I so needy?
Friday, January 12, 2007
*sigh*
I'm lonely. Not much of an update, but...
well, I don't feel like talkign about how many bars I was late for on my entrance in Snuff that Girl, today in rehearsal, or stupid boys that irk me, or the fact that a fifty year old sent me a shirtless pic today. I'm bored with the grind. I wanna open, or fall in love, or hang out with my best friend, or SOMETHING to get me out of this rut.
And, I'm lonely.
well, I don't feel like talkign about how many bars I was late for on my entrance in Snuff that Girl, today in rehearsal, or stupid boys that irk me, or the fact that a fifty year old sent me a shirtless pic today. I'm bored with the grind. I wanna open, or fall in love, or hang out with my best friend, or SOMETHING to get me out of this rut.
And, I'm lonely.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
OMG I DID IT!
I've figured it out! I discovered the place I need to get to to cry on cue!
I'm sitting here on the computer, minding my own business. Amber's playing videogames, listening to music on her computer...all of a sudden Mama, by the SPice Girls comes on! All of a sudden, I start remembering things from when I was a kid, and loved the Spice Girls, and went into this emotional place that it used to take me hours of what-ifing to get to, and I BURST into tears! Like, literally, all this took about ten seconds! The song came on, and I went, "Spice Girls, nice" and then I realized what the song was, and literally by the first lyric, I had burst into tears! Amber and I looked at each other at the exact same moment, and I was going to ask her to change it, and she was about to ask if I wanted it changed....! It was CRAZY! I had to write in my acting journal about this right now...
I'm sitting here on the computer, minding my own business. Amber's playing videogames, listening to music on her computer...all of a sudden Mama, by the SPice Girls comes on! All of a sudden, I start remembering things from when I was a kid, and loved the Spice Girls, and went into this emotional place that it used to take me hours of what-ifing to get to, and I BURST into tears! Like, literally, all this took about ten seconds! The song came on, and I went, "Spice Girls, nice" and then I realized what the song was, and literally by the first lyric, I had burst into tears! Amber and I looked at each other at the exact same moment, and I was going to ask her to change it, and she was about to ask if I wanted it changed....! It was CRAZY! I had to write in my acting journal about this right now...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I miss you daylight
I haven't been awake during the daytime since New Years Eve...URG!
um...that's all I really had to say...I miss day light. I miss stores being open when I need to go to them... I miss good coffe. I miss school. I want a boy. I'm tired of being happy. I feel like a petulant child right now, and dammit, I'm going to whine like a little brat for ten lines or so! I was thinking yesterday that I'm an adult now, and all my chances for acting like a kid are all used up now. No one will ever take care of me again. *sigh* It might not seem any different from my circumstances before, but they are to me. Because before, I should have been a kid. Adults look at the number eighteen, and think young...but I was always in such a hurry to grow up, I never really enjoyed being young like that and being taken care of until it was taken away. I've essentially been an adult for a year now, but being nineteen is like, the end of all possiblility of being taken care of.
Now, all I have to look forward to is being an adult, being a mom, bills, and mortgages, and careers...
And that's no fun...
*sigh* I miss you, daylight.
um...that's all I really had to say...I miss day light. I miss stores being open when I need to go to them... I miss good coffe. I miss school. I want a boy. I'm tired of being happy. I feel like a petulant child right now, and dammit, I'm going to whine like a little brat for ten lines or so! I was thinking yesterday that I'm an adult now, and all my chances for acting like a kid are all used up now. No one will ever take care of me again. *sigh* It might not seem any different from my circumstances before, but they are to me. Because before, I should have been a kid. Adults look at the number eighteen, and think young...but I was always in such a hurry to grow up, I never really enjoyed being young like that and being taken care of until it was taken away. I've essentially been an adult for a year now, but being nineteen is like, the end of all possiblility of being taken care of.
Now, all I have to look forward to is being an adult, being a mom, bills, and mortgages, and careers...
And that's no fun...
*sigh* I miss you, daylight.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
ok, so that was more like five minutes later...
that title only makes sense if you've read all the comments on the post below. :) which you should, because there's a sweet birthday rap, and some dead pets! :)
THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE BEST BIRTHDAY I COULD EVER HAVE ASKED FOR!!!!
I had SUCH a great time you guys! Lee came over early and gave me my b-day gift, which was a glass flower...he said he tried to find me the same one that I have a tattoo of...but unfortunately failed miserably! lol! It's ok, Lee, I still love it! Amber and Kaitlyn had to go to the post office for something, so I stayed home with Brianna and Laura (who came over after Lee) Jake, and "anonymous friend" of Jake's. He was the weirdest dude...no one knew who he was, he just came over and hung out with Jake while I danced like a crazy person to Kiltlifters, getting myself pumped for the night! Kaitlyn Lee and Amber arrived home, bringing me a case of coolers! WOO! They shall be drunk tomorrow night while at work! :D
Thank you Brianna for dinner at ACME! Me, Brianna, and Laura had dinner there, (I had wings) and had a good ole Collective get together, which was awesome. I would have felt incomplete if I didnt chill with Collective at least once on my nineteenth birthday. Not the best service though...the waitress didn't even look in on us, and had no idea it was mybirthday until Brianna paid, and she asked us what our plans were for the rest of the night. At that point, I pretty much shrieked, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" (this was a recurring thing throughout the night--obviously) and she laughed and gave me a free shot of B52... thus begins the madness! :)
So then I returned home to get ready with AK, and the rest of the b-day crew! While I was at ACME, Martha turned up to help me celebrate! I got home to a couch full of happiness, with Martha, and Jake, and Amber doing stuff on the computer. Amber burned me a birthday CD, which I love A LOT, and shall be listened to until I hate it, which will be never! So we pumped that super loud and all got prettified (me and Kaitlyn wore dresses! and Amber sexified herself with a really cool jacket that somehow I've never seen before. She even busted out her amazing cleavage for my super sexellent nineteenth!), and while we were doing that, Kylan arrived, toting a gigantic TV for AKA House! NO MORE TINY SCREEN! It doesn't even fit in our entertainment center, it's so big! So that was super cool...
So the boys were whining about being hungry, but AKA wouldn't leave without busting out to Sexy Back, as is tradition! Seriously, if we didn't dance to that before we left the house, the world would end...I'll never be able to go to the bar ever again if I don't get pumped up with the song first! Finally we left for Fast Eddies, with Lee and AK in one car, and Ky, me and Martha in the other. Allen met us there, and we all had dinner! (my second of the night, lol!) I had prawns. They were sunshine in my belly. :) While we were there I had a porn star fishbowl, my first Priarie Fire shot (oh dear christ it hurt me), during which Ace called me and Ky gave him a play by play while I took it, lol!, and a muffdiver! Hilarious! I'm pretty sure there's a picture of me with whipped cream all over my face floating around out there, which will be added to the file of Sexiest Pictures of Alleah Ever Taken--NOT! So at this point, I'm three shots and three ounces in. Allen bought me my prawns, (without telling me! sneaky boy...), and we headed off to go bar hopping!
So, between Fast Eddies and the bar, we lost Ky, Martha and Allen, but I called Biff, and he met us at The Foundry, which I had never been in before. Geoff was there before us, and when we rolled in, he bought me a shot of scotch...now that tasted like doom! But at least we made some Anchorman jokes, so it was worth it! :D thanks Geoff! Lee tried to win me a stuffy with a do rag, but failed--three times! I was so looking forward to that! lol, it's ok, it's impossible to win those machines, and the magic of my birthday just isn't strong enough to change that! At the Foundry, Kaitlyn bought me a rum and coke, Biffer bought me a beer and gave me the one he got on the house from Dan, and I got another muff diver on the house because I was obnoxious about it beign my birthday, lol! So at this point, I've had four drinks, and five shots... Yes, I actually fell into drunkeness at the Foundry. It was a funny drunk though. It was literally like...sober one second and drunk the next...there was no buzzed! Good times! Kaitlyn and I had bathroom girly chats, and I'm sure she felt as spiffy as I did, strutting to the bathroom and back in our dresses and boots! The towel dispenser confused me, but I pwned it eventually... that made me mad in my drunken state...why would you have a complicated towel dispenser in a pub? lol, silly bathrooms! Dan (the bartender) and I fought over who was going to take Biff home that night (again, Alleah's birthday + drunk = obnoxious), and then we headed off to the Globe.
The Globe was lame, and where the party was, and as such actually had a bouncer, and I didn't have proper ID, so I couldn't get in. No hard feelings, though...I know it's just because the cops were ten times more likely to show up because it was packed and if I got caught without proper ID (birthday or no birthday), it could get them a big fat fine. Poor Biff, though...he got in ahead of me, and got a glimpse of titty before we had to turn around. Lee didn't get any titty at all. I apologized profusely to the boys before we headed off to 70...
which ROCKED, as always! It was busy enough to be fun, but not so packed with lamecores that I wanted to go home. This deceptively young-looking lesbian hit on me, and bought me a drink, which I think was a muff diver...but I don't remember; that one might have been on the house... but yeah, I had my third muffdiver there, and a Breezer, a Gladiator drop-shot (I LOVE them now! thanks Kaitlyn!), and a Long Island ice tea, which was also super yummy! So after 70 Below, in total, I had... six drinks, and seven shots. :) I. Was. Happy. lol!
At 70, I danced a lot, and Sexy Back came on twice, and they played some actually good dance music, even if the X-fades kinda sucked a little, and I had fucking boatloads of fun before we finally headed home. We walked back to the cars, which were parked at the Foundry, and at the parking lot, Bartender Dan called Biff, (cause he could see us out the window) and told him to smack my ass for him, so Biff did, and I was super confused until I finally figured it out in my pathetic drunken state, lol! And of course we got stopped by a road block and I had to seriously restrain myself from acting like a obnoxious idiot on my birthday (which really was what I was!), but finally we got through the road block and got home safely, with no mishaps, other than being turned away from one lame ass strip bar.
Once home however...we were all chilling, Amber on the computer, Kaitlyn and Lee on one couch, me and Biffer on another, when the doorbell rings and I answer it, and it's this weird fat drunk guy covered in blood...apparently he slipped and cut himself, and I gave him some paper towel and a plastic glass of water, and tried to look at his cut, but Lee thankfully stopped me before I contracted AIDS or something...after that, all I remember is Lee peeking out the blinds...or something...I don't know...
Shortly after I went to bed!
So that is the story of Alleah's SUPER FANTABULOUS NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY!!! It was seriously such a great night! The only thing that would have made me more happy would have been if the Jordan's and Lisa had been there...I missed you guys so much that night! But even so, everyone who spent some time with me on my birthday helped make it one of the most awesome nights of my life! Thank you all so much! :D *biggest smile in the WHOLE world!*
And to complete the story of wonder and joy, tonight on my way home from work, I discovered Amber had waited up for me (until four in teh morning! urg..) and she needed a girl talk, so we walked to sevvie and discussed things, and I bought smokes for the first time EVAR! NO BOOT NEEDED!!! I finally feel like an adult. I can do--WHATEVER I WANT!
except get into the Globe on busy nights. shut up.
:D <3
THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE BEST BIRTHDAY I COULD EVER HAVE ASKED FOR!!!!
I had SUCH a great time you guys! Lee came over early and gave me my b-day gift, which was a glass flower...he said he tried to find me the same one that I have a tattoo of...but unfortunately failed miserably! lol! It's ok, Lee, I still love it! Amber and Kaitlyn had to go to the post office for something, so I stayed home with Brianna and Laura (who came over after Lee) Jake, and "anonymous friend" of Jake's. He was the weirdest dude...no one knew who he was, he just came over and hung out with Jake while I danced like a crazy person to Kiltlifters, getting myself pumped for the night! Kaitlyn Lee and Amber arrived home, bringing me a case of coolers! WOO! They shall be drunk tomorrow night while at work! :D
Thank you Brianna for dinner at ACME! Me, Brianna, and Laura had dinner there, (I had wings) and had a good ole Collective get together, which was awesome. I would have felt incomplete if I didnt chill with Collective at least once on my nineteenth birthday. Not the best service though...the waitress didn't even look in on us, and had no idea it was mybirthday until Brianna paid, and she asked us what our plans were for the rest of the night. At that point, I pretty much shrieked, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" (this was a recurring thing throughout the night--obviously) and she laughed and gave me a free shot of B52... thus begins the madness! :)
So then I returned home to get ready with AK, and the rest of the b-day crew! While I was at ACME, Martha turned up to help me celebrate! I got home to a couch full of happiness, with Martha, and Jake, and Amber doing stuff on the computer. Amber burned me a birthday CD, which I love A LOT, and shall be listened to until I hate it, which will be never! So we pumped that super loud and all got prettified (me and Kaitlyn wore dresses! and Amber sexified herself with a really cool jacket that somehow I've never seen before. She even busted out her amazing cleavage for my super sexellent nineteenth!), and while we were doing that, Kylan arrived, toting a gigantic TV for AKA House! NO MORE TINY SCREEN! It doesn't even fit in our entertainment center, it's so big! So that was super cool...
So the boys were whining about being hungry, but AKA wouldn't leave without busting out to Sexy Back, as is tradition! Seriously, if we didn't dance to that before we left the house, the world would end...I'll never be able to go to the bar ever again if I don't get pumped up with the song first! Finally we left for Fast Eddies, with Lee and AK in one car, and Ky, me and Martha in the other. Allen met us there, and we all had dinner! (my second of the night, lol!) I had prawns. They were sunshine in my belly. :) While we were there I had a porn star fishbowl, my first Priarie Fire shot (oh dear christ it hurt me), during which Ace called me and Ky gave him a play by play while I took it, lol!, and a muffdiver! Hilarious! I'm pretty sure there's a picture of me with whipped cream all over my face floating around out there, which will be added to the file of Sexiest Pictures of Alleah Ever Taken--NOT! So at this point, I'm three shots and three ounces in. Allen bought me my prawns, (without telling me! sneaky boy...), and we headed off to go bar hopping!
So, between Fast Eddies and the bar, we lost Ky, Martha and Allen, but I called Biff, and he met us at The Foundry, which I had never been in before. Geoff was there before us, and when we rolled in, he bought me a shot of scotch...now that tasted like doom! But at least we made some Anchorman jokes, so it was worth it! :D thanks Geoff! Lee tried to win me a stuffy with a do rag, but failed--three times! I was so looking forward to that! lol, it's ok, it's impossible to win those machines, and the magic of my birthday just isn't strong enough to change that! At the Foundry, Kaitlyn bought me a rum and coke, Biffer bought me a beer and gave me the one he got on the house from Dan, and I got another muff diver on the house because I was obnoxious about it beign my birthday, lol! So at this point, I've had four drinks, and five shots... Yes, I actually fell into drunkeness at the Foundry. It was a funny drunk though. It was literally like...sober one second and drunk the next...there was no buzzed! Good times! Kaitlyn and I had bathroom girly chats, and I'm sure she felt as spiffy as I did, strutting to the bathroom and back in our dresses and boots! The towel dispenser confused me, but I pwned it eventually... that made me mad in my drunken state...why would you have a complicated towel dispenser in a pub? lol, silly bathrooms! Dan (the bartender) and I fought over who was going to take Biff home that night (again, Alleah's birthday + drunk = obnoxious), and then we headed off to the Globe.
The Globe was lame, and where the party was, and as such actually had a bouncer, and I didn't have proper ID, so I couldn't get in. No hard feelings, though...I know it's just because the cops were ten times more likely to show up because it was packed and if I got caught without proper ID (birthday or no birthday), it could get them a big fat fine. Poor Biff, though...he got in ahead of me, and got a glimpse of titty before we had to turn around. Lee didn't get any titty at all. I apologized profusely to the boys before we headed off to 70...
which ROCKED, as always! It was busy enough to be fun, but not so packed with lamecores that I wanted to go home. This deceptively young-looking lesbian hit on me, and bought me a drink, which I think was a muff diver...but I don't remember; that one might have been on the house... but yeah, I had my third muffdiver there, and a Breezer, a Gladiator drop-shot (I LOVE them now! thanks Kaitlyn!), and a Long Island ice tea, which was also super yummy! So after 70 Below, in total, I had... six drinks, and seven shots. :) I. Was. Happy. lol!
At 70, I danced a lot, and Sexy Back came on twice, and they played some actually good dance music, even if the X-fades kinda sucked a little, and I had fucking boatloads of fun before we finally headed home. We walked back to the cars, which were parked at the Foundry, and at the parking lot, Bartender Dan called Biff, (cause he could see us out the window) and told him to smack my ass for him, so Biff did, and I was super confused until I finally figured it out in my pathetic drunken state, lol! And of course we got stopped by a road block and I had to seriously restrain myself from acting like a obnoxious idiot on my birthday (which really was what I was!), but finally we got through the road block and got home safely, with no mishaps, other than being turned away from one lame ass strip bar.
Once home however...we were all chilling, Amber on the computer, Kaitlyn and Lee on one couch, me and Biffer on another, when the doorbell rings and I answer it, and it's this weird fat drunk guy covered in blood...apparently he slipped and cut himself, and I gave him some paper towel and a plastic glass of water, and tried to look at his cut, but Lee thankfully stopped me before I contracted AIDS or something...after that, all I remember is Lee peeking out the blinds...or something...I don't know...
Shortly after I went to bed!
So that is the story of Alleah's SUPER FANTABULOUS NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY!!! It was seriously such a great night! The only thing that would have made me more happy would have been if the Jordan's and Lisa had been there...I missed you guys so much that night! But even so, everyone who spent some time with me on my birthday helped make it one of the most awesome nights of my life! Thank you all so much! :D *biggest smile in the WHOLE world!*
And to complete the story of wonder and joy, tonight on my way home from work, I discovered Amber had waited up for me (until four in teh morning! urg..) and she needed a girl talk, so we walked to sevvie and discussed things, and I bought smokes for the first time EVAR! NO BOOT NEEDED!!! I finally feel like an adult. I can do--WHATEVER I WANT!
except get into the Globe on busy nights. shut up.
:D <3
Friday, December 29, 2006
*sigh*
It's like eighteen years and three hundred and sixty four days of a vice-like grip around my heart has finally been eased...
I'M NINETEEN!!!!!!
FUCKIN RIGHTS! As of this moment, if I wanted to, I could go buy my OWN mother fuckign cigarettes! NO MORE NEEDING A BOOT! Fucking FINALLY!
Now I am going to go eat a samosa and enjoy the feeling of being free of the restrictions of youth. :)
I'M NINETEEN!!!!!!
FUCKIN RIGHTS! As of this moment, if I wanted to, I could go buy my OWN mother fuckign cigarettes! NO MORE NEEDING A BOOT! Fucking FINALLY!
Now I am going to go eat a samosa and enjoy the feeling of being free of the restrictions of youth. :)
Sunday, December 24, 2006
merry christmas to all
...and to all a safe night!
So, A Christmas Carol is finally over. I somehow managed to survive Hell Week with a minimum of damage...only a very very drunken pass-out which involved Lee and Amber taking care of me while I threw up and almost fell asleep with McDonald's cradled in my arms. The shows were pretty good. Small houses the first two nights, and an acceptable turn out on closing. I'm happy to say that everyone who saw it thought it was good, with the notable exception of Lee...but then Lee is all about the making fun of things! Everyone else thought it was cool.
I was very proud of my performance of Tiny Tim...somehow, during three lines and a small movement peice, he managed to steal the hearts of the audience like he always does! :) Probably because my Tiny Tim was the most shamelessly retarded ever played! ;) Who needs a Tiny Tim with dignity? He's a cripple! Let's make people laugh instead! I was very disappointed to see no helmet by my makeup closing night though! I totally would have worn it onstage.
As Caroline, me and the Biffer gave Matt Baillie the grins...you know that smiley feeling you get after a chick flick? Well, Matt said that was him during me and Biffer's scenes! :D I was pretty jazzed about that one.
And as the Ghost I know I was scary at LEAST once--it was during a dress rehearsal, but whatevs! lol! I think I nailed it on the last night, though, Amber said my hands had a lot more power in them, and when I point offstage, she said she always had to hide because it creeped her out that I was pointing at her! The thing about playing the Ghost is that, while it looks easy to just kinda stand around and point, it's actually very difficult to stand motionless for long periods of time. Not only that, but the only way I can convey emotion is with my hands and body, because the cloak completely obscures my face. There's very big differences between when I was in the Zone and Ghostly and when I was just doing it. I mean, to be completely motionless, I had to concentrate on bending my knees, so I didn't pass out, breathing deeply, but not hyperventilating, and using my diaphragm so that the audience couldn't tell I was breathing. I only did that really well on the dress. Ky said I actually didn't move at all, and was much better than other nights. Not only that, but the cloak was such a bitch to work in...it was SO heavy! And I had to tack up my smock underneath the cloak about fifteen times to keep myself from tripping on it. I tripped twice on opening night, and on the second night, my glasses fell from my pockets and like three people stepped on them, lol...but the last night was super!
Anyhoo, the shows went well, and we will find out how much we made on the twentyeighth, thank goodness...I hope I can make my rent next month without being short, or having to wait for my student loan.
Then yesterday, i had Christmas with my family early. I got lots of gifts, more than last year or the year before, and I felt so bad because I hadn't been able to get anyone gifts myself. That was really the only bad thing about this Christmas. Was that it was early and too rushed and I wasn't able to get anyone anything. I love Christmas because I am almost always able to find everyone something that they absolutely LOVE. I was so sad that I didn;'t get to do that this year. Hopefully though, I'll get a good enough settlement that I can have a late Christmas with the roomies, the friends and the fam. That'll be fun for everyone!
I think the thing that made my gifts better than other years is that almost everyone got me stuff that I actually like! There was a distinct LACK of makeup bought for me this year, lol! And some really sweet gifts, instead! I got this really pretty plant with rocks and a glass container. I set that up in the back window by my room today. I got this set of four big mugs with hot chocolate and MARSHMALLOWS! I got this beautiful set of bath products that I'm super excited about! Itr's this crazy plum vanilla flavor and the hand cream smells SO good I can't wait to use the rest of it. It also came with body lotion, shower gel, a bar of soap, body butter, bath salts, bubble bath, FOOT SOAK (no more stinky feet, whee!), and a couple of loofahs and whatnot. SO excited to use it! And it all came in this big brown leather carrying case that is easily my favorite thign in the whole world! I also got two pairs of slippers, Spongebob pajama pants, Ken gave me a mickey of Crown Royal with two shot glasses in this pretty tin, a random spongebob dvd and kids book, lol, a poster, and a bunch of socks! Thank goodness, lol....that was seriously all I asked for was socks! Sherayna got me a twentyfive dollar gift card for thrifty foods! I was EXCITED for that, let me tell you! Courtney got me this pretty candle with this poem about sisters on it, in this really pretty box...she's so obsessed with Hallmark, lol! My aunty Pat got me a beautiful black cordouroy vest with silver stitching on it! It was seriously the first peice of clothing bought for me for Christmas that I've LIKED in like five years! And then of course I got chocolates, and stuff like that, like every Christmas, lol! My grandparents are hilarious! They bought me a calendar, like they do every year, but this year, my grampa opened a bit of the packaging on the side and slipped a twentydollar bill INTO the packaging! He laughed like an idiot when I couldn't figure out why I couldn't touch the bill for like ten minutes! (I was hung over, shut up!)
I'm pretty sure I got more stuff than just that, but that's all I can remember off the top of my head...I was pretty darn happy, though, I'll tell you that much. I can't remember the last time I had such a good Christmas, as far as gifts go, lol! Then we had a gigantic dinner like we do every year, and I stuffed my face! Who knows when I'm going to get another meal like that? Oh man, it was soooooo good!
I ended up missing the Whitfield show, but Biffers went and got sauced and called me at two in the morning last night, waking me up, lol! I tried to call him back, but he wouldn't pick up. I called him back this morning, and he was all like, omg I'm so hungover, and told me all about it! I was sooooo jealous when I heard about his night! It sounded like such a blast! I won't even tell you the best part, but let me just say I am now FRANTICALLY trying to get the thirtieth off work.... you have no idea how bad I want this night off, now!
And now, I'm just sitting in my house going through apres-closing blues. When you can't stop movig around because it feels like there's somethign you should be doing, but there really isn't at all. I HATE that!
Anyhoo, I'm gonna go finish cleaning the kitchen and then my bedroom. Amber's going to Qualicum today to have X-mas with her fam, so I'll be alone and bored tonight and tomorrow. My bro might come over later, or might not, he's not exactly reliable, and Gregoire I think is alone for Christmas too, so I might call him up and see if we can't get into some trouble. Biff said he was going to ask his parents if I could spend X-mas eve with them, so I might do that tonight. I'm not sure yet.
So basically, all Im REALLY positive of, is that I have a basement full of rat poison and needs to check it for carcasses. So laters!
So, A Christmas Carol is finally over. I somehow managed to survive Hell Week with a minimum of damage...only a very very drunken pass-out which involved Lee and Amber taking care of me while I threw up and almost fell asleep with McDonald's cradled in my arms. The shows were pretty good. Small houses the first two nights, and an acceptable turn out on closing. I'm happy to say that everyone who saw it thought it was good, with the notable exception of Lee...but then Lee is all about the making fun of things! Everyone else thought it was cool.
I was very proud of my performance of Tiny Tim...somehow, during three lines and a small movement peice, he managed to steal the hearts of the audience like he always does! :) Probably because my Tiny Tim was the most shamelessly retarded ever played! ;) Who needs a Tiny Tim with dignity? He's a cripple! Let's make people laugh instead! I was very disappointed to see no helmet by my makeup closing night though! I totally would have worn it onstage.
As Caroline, me and the Biffer gave Matt Baillie the grins...you know that smiley feeling you get after a chick flick? Well, Matt said that was him during me and Biffer's scenes! :D I was pretty jazzed about that one.
And as the Ghost I know I was scary at LEAST once--it was during a dress rehearsal, but whatevs! lol! I think I nailed it on the last night, though, Amber said my hands had a lot more power in them, and when I point offstage, she said she always had to hide because it creeped her out that I was pointing at her! The thing about playing the Ghost is that, while it looks easy to just kinda stand around and point, it's actually very difficult to stand motionless for long periods of time. Not only that, but the only way I can convey emotion is with my hands and body, because the cloak completely obscures my face. There's very big differences between when I was in the Zone and Ghostly and when I was just doing it. I mean, to be completely motionless, I had to concentrate on bending my knees, so I didn't pass out, breathing deeply, but not hyperventilating, and using my diaphragm so that the audience couldn't tell I was breathing. I only did that really well on the dress. Ky said I actually didn't move at all, and was much better than other nights. Not only that, but the cloak was such a bitch to work in...it was SO heavy! And I had to tack up my smock underneath the cloak about fifteen times to keep myself from tripping on it. I tripped twice on opening night, and on the second night, my glasses fell from my pockets and like three people stepped on them, lol...but the last night was super!
Anyhoo, the shows went well, and we will find out how much we made on the twentyeighth, thank goodness...I hope I can make my rent next month without being short, or having to wait for my student loan.
Then yesterday, i had Christmas with my family early. I got lots of gifts, more than last year or the year before, and I felt so bad because I hadn't been able to get anyone gifts myself. That was really the only bad thing about this Christmas. Was that it was early and too rushed and I wasn't able to get anyone anything. I love Christmas because I am almost always able to find everyone something that they absolutely LOVE. I was so sad that I didn;'t get to do that this year. Hopefully though, I'll get a good enough settlement that I can have a late Christmas with the roomies, the friends and the fam. That'll be fun for everyone!
I think the thing that made my gifts better than other years is that almost everyone got me stuff that I actually like! There was a distinct LACK of makeup bought for me this year, lol! And some really sweet gifts, instead! I got this really pretty plant with rocks and a glass container. I set that up in the back window by my room today. I got this set of four big mugs with hot chocolate and MARSHMALLOWS! I got this beautiful set of bath products that I'm super excited about! Itr's this crazy plum vanilla flavor and the hand cream smells SO good I can't wait to use the rest of it. It also came with body lotion, shower gel, a bar of soap, body butter, bath salts, bubble bath, FOOT SOAK (no more stinky feet, whee!), and a couple of loofahs and whatnot. SO excited to use it! And it all came in this big brown leather carrying case that is easily my favorite thign in the whole world! I also got two pairs of slippers, Spongebob pajama pants, Ken gave me a mickey of Crown Royal with two shot glasses in this pretty tin, a random spongebob dvd and kids book, lol, a poster, and a bunch of socks! Thank goodness, lol....that was seriously all I asked for was socks! Sherayna got me a twentyfive dollar gift card for thrifty foods! I was EXCITED for that, let me tell you! Courtney got me this pretty candle with this poem about sisters on it, in this really pretty box...she's so obsessed with Hallmark, lol! My aunty Pat got me a beautiful black cordouroy vest with silver stitching on it! It was seriously the first peice of clothing bought for me for Christmas that I've LIKED in like five years! And then of course I got chocolates, and stuff like that, like every Christmas, lol! My grandparents are hilarious! They bought me a calendar, like they do every year, but this year, my grampa opened a bit of the packaging on the side and slipped a twentydollar bill INTO the packaging! He laughed like an idiot when I couldn't figure out why I couldn't touch the bill for like ten minutes! (I was hung over, shut up!)
I'm pretty sure I got more stuff than just that, but that's all I can remember off the top of my head...I was pretty darn happy, though, I'll tell you that much. I can't remember the last time I had such a good Christmas, as far as gifts go, lol! Then we had a gigantic dinner like we do every year, and I stuffed my face! Who knows when I'm going to get another meal like that? Oh man, it was soooooo good!
I ended up missing the Whitfield show, but Biffers went and got sauced and called me at two in the morning last night, waking me up, lol! I tried to call him back, but he wouldn't pick up. I called him back this morning, and he was all like, omg I'm so hungover, and told me all about it! I was sooooo jealous when I heard about his night! It sounded like such a blast! I won't even tell you the best part, but let me just say I am now FRANTICALLY trying to get the thirtieth off work.... you have no idea how bad I want this night off, now!
And now, I'm just sitting in my house going through apres-closing blues. When you can't stop movig around because it feels like there's somethign you should be doing, but there really isn't at all. I HATE that!
Anyhoo, I'm gonna go finish cleaning the kitchen and then my bedroom. Amber's going to Qualicum today to have X-mas with her fam, so I'll be alone and bored tonight and tomorrow. My bro might come over later, or might not, he's not exactly reliable, and Gregoire I think is alone for Christmas too, so I might call him up and see if we can't get into some trouble. Biff said he was going to ask his parents if I could spend X-mas eve with them, so I might do that tonight. I'm not sure yet.
So basically, all Im REALLY positive of, is that I have a basement full of rat poison and needs to check it for carcasses. So laters!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!
I LOVE YOU ALL!
BE SAFE!
love pinto
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
my nephew is a homicidal maniac
so, funny story, I'm at my sister's right now, just had dinner, everything's cool. She's in the middle of putting the kids to bed. Rob's bedroom is downstairs close to the kitchen where I am and I can hear him singing while he puts his pajamas on. So he's singing away about some girl named Melissa and I'm thinking, "awww, he has a little crush," when all of a sudden he goes, "Melissa, Melissa, YOU MUST DIE"
o O
O
holy jesus, my sisters raising a psychopath!!!!!
I just thought you might enjoy that little story. that is all.
o O
O
holy jesus, my sisters raising a psychopath!!!!!
I just thought you might enjoy that little story. that is all.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
happy camper
...is what I am! And in celebration of this fact, I am going to copy Amber! YAY! I am a happy copycat camper. Say THAT ten times fast!
I like my new coworkers, I like my castmates, I like theatre, I like audiences and how they're different each day, I like philosophy, I like thinking about acting, I like talking to people I haven't met, I like people, I like my life, I like me, I like my friends, I like my friends' opinions of me, I like religion, I like animals, I even like the little mousy that has found it's way into our house and shall be caught and sent outside...or it will be poisoned, I like camping, I like dogs, I like hot dogs, I like eating, I like sleeping, I like music, I like dancing, I like daydreaming, I like my walls, I like my memories, I like my mirror, I like my eyes, I like massages, I like being cuddled, I like me and Biff's scene in A Christmas Carol, I like Whitfield, I like the shows I'm doing right now, I like promoting the shows I'm in right now, I like my sister, I like my whole family, I like where I feel I'm at in my life right now, I like where I'm goign with my life, I like feeling like I've earned what I have, i like feeling on top of things, I like being busy, I like blogs, I like people reading my blog, I like the people who do read my blog, I like my laptop, I like cooking, I like being content, I like central heating, I like baths, I like cleaning, I like things being clean, I like the fact that I cleaned the inside of the donut rack today at work, I like that I liked work today, I like my rings, I like my tattoos, I like being spunky and courageous and NOT timid and limited, I like green, I like pink, I like movies, I like sports, I like playing, I like dressing up, I like getting paid, I like people liking the work I do, I like making people laugh, I like making people feel good, I like making people feel GREAT.
hmmm....I think that's it for now...I'm sure there's more... wait, hang on.,..it's coming....
I like Dave. I like Amber and Kaitlyn, I like the way we coexist together, I like having parties, I like empties money, I like financial security, I like architecture, I like astrology, I like emotions, I like personal growth, I like money, I like chili, I like the sea, I like islands, I like sun, I like heat, I like clothing, I like road trips, I like eating bad food on road trips, I like sleeping in cars on roadtrips, I like having adventures on roadtrips, I like going to Vancouver with Brianna, I like trucks, I like four-bying, I like beer, I like coolers, I like Jack Daniels (he is my friend), I like 70 Below, I like Kylan, I like rehearsal, I like cuddling at night with boys, I like waking up next to a boy, I like pajamas, I like big beds, I like sprawling, I like grass, I like tag, i like wrestling, I like late night mishes to sevvie with Amber (sometimes! :P), I like emoticons, I like when my computer doesn't die long enough for me to post on my blog!
On that pragmatic note...
(I like pragmatism)
I like my new coworkers, I like my castmates, I like theatre, I like audiences and how they're different each day, I like philosophy, I like thinking about acting, I like talking to people I haven't met, I like people, I like my life, I like me, I like my friends, I like my friends' opinions of me, I like religion, I like animals, I even like the little mousy that has found it's way into our house and shall be caught and sent outside...or it will be poisoned, I like camping, I like dogs, I like hot dogs, I like eating, I like sleeping, I like music, I like dancing, I like daydreaming, I like my walls, I like my memories, I like my mirror, I like my eyes, I like massages, I like being cuddled, I like me and Biff's scene in A Christmas Carol, I like Whitfield, I like the shows I'm doing right now, I like promoting the shows I'm in right now, I like my sister, I like my whole family, I like where I feel I'm at in my life right now, I like where I'm goign with my life, I like feeling like I've earned what I have, i like feeling on top of things, I like being busy, I like blogs, I like people reading my blog, I like the people who do read my blog, I like my laptop, I like cooking, I like being content, I like central heating, I like baths, I like cleaning, I like things being clean, I like the fact that I cleaned the inside of the donut rack today at work, I like that I liked work today, I like my rings, I like my tattoos, I like being spunky and courageous and NOT timid and limited, I like green, I like pink, I like movies, I like sports, I like playing, I like dressing up, I like getting paid, I like people liking the work I do, I like making people laugh, I like making people feel good, I like making people feel GREAT.
hmmm....I think that's it for now...I'm sure there's more... wait, hang on.,..it's coming....
I like Dave. I like Amber and Kaitlyn, I like the way we coexist together, I like having parties, I like empties money, I like financial security, I like architecture, I like astrology, I like emotions, I like personal growth, I like money, I like chili, I like the sea, I like islands, I like sun, I like heat, I like clothing, I like road trips, I like eating bad food on road trips, I like sleeping in cars on roadtrips, I like having adventures on roadtrips, I like going to Vancouver with Brianna, I like trucks, I like four-bying, I like beer, I like coolers, I like Jack Daniels (he is my friend), I like 70 Below, I like Kylan, I like rehearsal, I like cuddling at night with boys, I like waking up next to a boy, I like pajamas, I like big beds, I like sprawling, I like grass, I like tag, i like wrestling, I like late night mishes to sevvie with Amber (sometimes! :P), I like emoticons, I like when my computer doesn't die long enough for me to post on my blog!
On that pragmatic note...
(I like pragmatism)
Thursday, November 30, 2006
shameless plug
WHAT: A Christmas Carol to the Rock Stylings of Whitfield, Youth Genius Productions
WHERE: Malaspina Theatre, 900 Fifth Street, Nanaimo, BC
WHEN: December 20-22, 2006, 7 PM
HOW MUCH: tentatively at $10 a ticket. We will also be selling Whitfield band merchandise at $10 per CD, and $15 per t-shirt. All prices are tentative as of yet, and there may be a student discount.
Ok, buddies! Above is the important info! Here's where I promote the sweet-ass band we are working with! Whitfield is an incredible group of four guys, originally from Kamloops and the UK respectively, based out of Vancouver, which played at Malaspina on the 24th, and loved it so much, they just wanna come back to Nanaimo! Various ideas are being thrown around at this time, a couple of which involving additional live performance, and I would be willing to bet that if this show is a success (which depends on YOU!) they would be more than happy to come back to Nanaimo and do another performance! If you weren't lucky enough to catch their show here in town on the twenty-fourth, you can listen to a taste of their sound at their Myspace, which can be reached through their official website! As you can see above, their CD will be available for purchase at A Christmas Carol, so if you missed out on buying one at their last gig, they will be here for the taking once again at A Christmas Carol!
A Christmas Carol is a Youth Genius production, directed by Ryan Levis, of Hey You Improv Club notoriety, and produced in cooperation with Malaspina Theatre. Everyone involved with the production are locally based, and chances are, you're going to be seeing a lot of familiar faces! Liberties have been taken with the script, and it has been placed in a 1980's setting, with the classic Scrooge character the CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation in downtown Vancouver!
In conclusion, the success of A Christmas depends on YOU, so come see a timeless Christmas classic, with a modern spin provided by the mellow sound of Whitfield! This is going to be a party and a half, so come out on December 20-22, and tell your friends, family, and the guy who delivers your mail to come, too!
WHERE: Malaspina Theatre, 900 Fifth Street, Nanaimo, BC
WHEN: December 20-22, 2006, 7 PM
HOW MUCH: tentatively at $10 a ticket. We will also be selling Whitfield band merchandise at $10 per CD, and $15 per t-shirt. All prices are tentative as of yet, and there may be a student discount.
Ok, buddies! Above is the important info! Here's where I promote the sweet-ass band we are working with! Whitfield is an incredible group of four guys, originally from Kamloops and the UK respectively, based out of Vancouver, which played at Malaspina on the 24th, and loved it so much, they just wanna come back to Nanaimo! Various ideas are being thrown around at this time, a couple of which involving additional live performance, and I would be willing to bet that if this show is a success (which depends on YOU!) they would be more than happy to come back to Nanaimo and do another performance! If you weren't lucky enough to catch their show here in town on the twenty-fourth, you can listen to a taste of their sound at their Myspace, which can be reached through their official website! As you can see above, their CD will be available for purchase at A Christmas Carol, so if you missed out on buying one at their last gig, they will be here for the taking once again at A Christmas Carol!
A Christmas Carol is a Youth Genius production, directed by Ryan Levis, of Hey You Improv Club notoriety, and produced in cooperation with Malaspina Theatre. Everyone involved with the production are locally based, and chances are, you're going to be seeing a lot of familiar faces! Liberties have been taken with the script, and it has been placed in a 1980's setting, with the classic Scrooge character the CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation in downtown Vancouver!
In conclusion, the success of A Christmas depends on YOU, so come see a timeless Christmas classic, with a modern spin provided by the mellow sound of Whitfield! This is going to be a party and a half, so come out on December 20-22, and tell your friends, family, and the guy who delivers your mail to come, too!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
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