yes, Amay and Bethany, I have stolen your word! Anarchy! Disruption! How disturbing to your vegetable hearts. I don't care! ;)
anyways, yes I am a forgotten fwuff indeed! Not a single comment has been posted on my bloggy blog since YESTERDAY! Not only that, but I have no emails, and no one has left me a messageabout my quizzes, and only ONE person has voted on ONE of my quizzes! I realize that I haven't been an school for a couple of days, but am I so out of the loop that no one even talks to me on msn anymore? *tear*
moving on now. now it's time to rage about how apparently the residents of South Nanaimo believe that jeans, sneakers, a jacket and packsack are appropriate attire for a prostitute, because coming home today, I had to take the number nine instead of the number five six, because the number five six left before I could get on it! *outrage* stupid Nanaimo buses. anyways, the whole reason I don't take the number nine bus home is because I have to get off in possibly the very worst part of town, and walk to my house, which is in a VERY slightly better part of town. And along this bad stretch of town, it was after dark, and apparently I must have resembled a whore, because a bunch of guys in this truck called out to me, while driving slowly along the road, and promptly got fingered and called names not printable in a polite atmosphere. You all know how paranoid I am about being mistaken for a prostitute. Well, when it happens, my reaction is not pretty. My fury was visible for miles. I am surprised you all didn't hear it, sitting in your comfortable, safe, North Nanaimo (ish) living rooms. I got pretty incensed. I suppose they were joking because all the lobotomized apes did was laugh and drive off. That made me seriously want to run them down and poke their eyes out. NObody mistakes ME for a whore, and gets away with it. Unless they are in a vehicle. And I am on foot. Which is basically everybody. Shut up.
other than that, I have nothing to say. I was very close to just quitting panto today, because I am sick of feeling exhausted in the mornings. but then I got there, and I couldn't. I cannot give up, or I'll never forgive myself. Please remind me of this stupidity when I am lying in a heap on the floor after I burn myself out and have a nervous breakdown in front of everyone so that I can remember to never listen to myself again. Grade Twelve is killing everyone. Literally. Barbara is burnt out and depressed, Nicole is burnt out and depressed, Mel is burnt out and depressed, Laura McNought is stressed out of her mind, I am going crazy. I don't know how anyone is going to survive this year. Or even this month. Because I am ready to shoot myself. And I'm slacking on half of the stuff I should be doing. I can't even imagine what Laura and Mel must be feeling, cause they've barely been slacking at all. And what slack they've been taking, they totally deserve. I'm just a lazy, undisciplined loser, and I don't think I have a right to give up on anything. If I was stupid enough to get myself into this mess, then I am GOING to see it through. If I can't, then I am more pathetic than I ever thought before.
You know, I am feeling much trepidation about these next few months. When panto picks up, I am going to be insane. Last year at the same time, I had a fraction of the stuff I have this year, plus I lived MUCH closer to the school, and to panto, and I could walk anywhere I needed to, and I still almost had a breakdown just because Mom left for four days. Can I even do any of this? Should I just give up on the idea of being in the arts? It's not like I have nothign else, I would do fine in management. I will never lack for something to do. And it would probably be easier, even if I don't ever accomplish what I told everyone I'd do, and if I don't love it as much as performing. Honestly, what is driving me to make myself this crazy for something that I may never even succeed in? The arts are SO hard to make a living in, let alone succeed in, and if I can't even get lead roles in amatuer theatre, how the hell will I ever be able to aspire to professional theatre? I know I have the ability to. Given the chance, I could make money in theatre. Or in recording, or in film. But I don't even know if these chances are ever going to come. For singing, I thought the Collective was my chance, but it doesn't look like it'll ever just get down to business, let alone work hard and long enough to succeed. What the Collective does is my dream, not the girls. I can't depend on them to help me realize my dream. I probably shouldn't rely on anyone. If I don't NEED anyone to help me succeed, then it'll never set me back when people let me down.
anyways, I'm done with this now. I believe I shall talk to my boy, and feel loved. Because I want to to. :P nighty night, blogger-roos!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
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9 comments:
Hey Alleah, sorry to hear you are feeling down... I sometimes get a similar feeling about not being talked-to on MSN, but I blame it on time zones. Still, I respect you for at least trying to make it in the Arts. Fine Arts that is, though all the arts are difficult it seems. I considered being a writer one time, though the prospect of such a vast deal of work & the high chance of failure has beaten me back so far. Good luck with it all, I'm just wondering if it's true what was said in Panto as quoted on Barbara's blog...
also, as to "je suis la pucelle" - haha hahahahah haha ha. That is to say, on the scale of olive oil, I would rank you as "Olive Oil" ... ask Laura.
nyar har
PS, tell me when you get a postcard from me. *fistshake*
oh c'mon! lots of ppl take on more than they can handle. there is absolutely no shame in backing out once you realize that it's not doing good things for you anymore. see the important thing is taking care of YOURSELF. who gives a dick about what other ppl think, etc. it's all trial and error.
oh, and you--you will never be a "fwuff". and you have no shame. make up your own! jeez!
thank you, everyone! but me? come on, Amay, I am as fwuff-y as it gets.
*snicker* RAM!
Are you taking a year off after graduating, or are you considering of going to college/university when summer's done? Because let me tell you, grade 12 is nothing save for the hors d'oeuvre to a stressful and, most commonly, shitty life at college. I'm talking from my own perspective, because right now I'm procrastinating and posting a comment to your lengthy blog, when I could be writing story assignments or, better yet, gathering research to write an outline for a research paper, which is due on monday and won't be accepted any later. Course, the stories I am pretty concerned most, because the outline needs only a few sources, but I'm still going to the library today after English.
Anyway, yeah, there's my own current dilemma, which I admit got carried away. My condolences to those mentioned in your post for being burned out and stressed (heck, most of them I hardly know very well, only met once or twice or three times, even), and to summarize my previous comment above, it all gets worse once you take the next step off of the hostile and - yes, this is true - worthless train station formally named as Wellington Secondary.
I have no blog, again I'm anonymous. But there's Angie's (Hovestad, anyway) rant for Alleah's post today! Bye bye.
Are you taking a year off after graduating, or are you considering of going to college/university when summer's done? Because let me tell you, grade 12 is nothing save for the hors d'oeuvre to a stressful and, most commonly, shitty life at college. I'm talking from my own perspective, because right now I'm procrastinating and posting a comment to your lengthy blog, when I could be writing story assignments or, better yet, gathering research to write an outline for a research paper, which is due on monday and won't be accepted any later. Course, the stories I am pretty concerned most, because the outline needs only a few sources, but I'm still going to the library today after English.
Anyway, yeah, there's my own current dilemma, which I admit got carried away. My condolences to those mentioned in your post for being burned out and stressed (heck, most of them I hardly know very well, only met once or twice or three times, even), and to summarize my previous comment above, it all gets worse once you take the next step off of the hostile and - yes, this is true - worthless train station platform formally named Wellington Secondary.
I have no blog, again I'm anonymous. But there's Angie's (Hovestad, anyway) rant for Alleah's post today! Bye bye.
Are you taking a year off after graduating, or are you considering of going to college/university when summer's done? Because let me tell you, grade 12 is nothing save for the hors d'oeuvre to a stressful and, most commonly, shitty life at college. I'm talking from my own perspective, because right now I'm procrastinating and posting a comment to your lengthy blog, when I could be writing story assignments or, better yet, gathering research to write an outline for a research paper, which is due on monday and won't be accepted any later. Course, the stories I am pretty concerned most, because the outline needs only a few sources, but I'm still going to the library today after English.
Anyway, yeah, there's my own current dilemma, which I admit got carried away. My condolences to those mentioned in your post for being burned out and stressed (heck, most of them I hardly know very well, only met once or twice or three times, even), and to summarize my previous comment above, it all gets worse once you take the next step off of the hostile and - yes, this is true - worthless train station platform that's formally labelled as Wellington Secondary.
I have no blog, again I'm anonymous. But there's Angie's (Hovestad, anyway) rant for Alleah's post today! Bye bye.
huh--the day you become a fwuff is the day i sprout green hair out of my chin!
I think its sad that one who has potential to be their own creative person feels the need to take on other's special quirks that set them apart as individuals. Infact, it is that quality that the twins lack that MAKE them fwuffs. They celebrate in their own individualities, even the ones that set them apart from eachother as twins. It hurts their identity and who they are when you try and take something unique and call it your own. Its not. You are not a fwuff. No matter what you say or do, you never ever ever will be one, unless you become bethany or amay. You can call yourself that, be stubborn, self righteous about it if you want to. Go ahead and insist that you are a fwuff, its the same as me saying "i dont care what you say or do, Im black" but it will not be true, and it wont win you anymore friends or people thinking that you are "cool." You lost my respect anyway.
Hey again Alleah... just thought I would heckle you with a request to post more! Also, in regard to people who must childishly ascribe great importance to a nonsensical word such as fwuff, I must say I am likewise forced to have little to no respect for said person or persons. Check out my blog, fun pictures of American boys wrestling w00t. I mean, I like girls. My wordiness of posts seems to have been increasing though.
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